avatarChantal Christie Weiss

Summary

The website content reflects on the multifaceted nature of love, emphasizing its various forms beyond romantic relationships, and encourages a broader celebration of love on Valentine's Day.

Abstract

The article delves into the complexity of love, moving beyond the commercialized notion of Valentine's Day to explore the different types of love that enrich our lives. It recounts the author's personal journey from a superficial understanding of love to a deeper appreciation shaped by motherhood and spirituality. The piece highlights the Ancient Greek classifications of love, detailing eight distinct types, and suggests that a better understanding of these can enhance both intimate and platonic relationships. The author argues that love is a fundamental aspect of our emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being, and that even in the absence of a romantic partnership, one is never truly alone due to the various forms of love that exist.

Opinions

  • The author initially perceived love as a means to self-validation and happiness, particularly during singlehood on Valentine's Day.
  • The commercialization of Valentine's Day is criticized for potentially making singletons feel unlovable and for being heartless, focusing only on profit.
  • The Ancient Greek categorization of love into eight types is presented as a more enlightened understanding, which can guide individuals in their relationships.
  • The transition from a self-centered view of love to an unconditional one is attributed to the author's experience with motherhood.
  • Self-love (Philautia) is deemed essential, as it allows for genuine compassion towards others.
  • Agape, a selfless and spiritual form of love, is considered the purest expression of love, transcending personal desires and expectations.
  • The article encourages readers to recognize and celebrate the diverse manifestations of love in their lives, not just the romantic aspect highlighted on Valentine's Day.

VALENTINES DAY | LOVE

I Love You to the Moon and Back

What type of love emanates from your heart?

Photo by Fran The Now Time on Unsplash

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind. Nor hath love’s mind of any judgment taste; Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste: And therefore is love said to be a child, Because in choice he is so oft beguil’d. — William Shakespeare

I recall those Valentine’s days when I was single — there were many — that I felt that sting of unhappiness. During those years I believed being loved would give me a sense of self, and validate my worth. My knowledge of love was artless, and an unknown territory. Growing up with parents who didn’t love themselves or each other — with broken and harsh upbringings, was an unfavorable and regrettable legacy for me.

And so, I grew up not understanding the true beauty of love. I dabbled at attempting to understand and yield its concept, adding the definition of spirituality to its core. That was the only way I could tangibly make sense of love.

My old relationships were channeled around myself and how that person made me feel. It wasn’t until motherhood happened in my early thirties, for the first time, that I was able to acknowledge a love that knew no bounds — a root so strong — that it felt unconditional, and not based on feelings.

The grim side of the commercialism of love on Valentine’s Day leaves many singletons feeling unlovable and hurting. It could be deemed as heartless and only for mindless money-making profit. It was originally known as the Feast of Saint Valentine, a Christian feast day honoring a martyr named Valentine. Nonetheless, Valentines became more of a commercial celebration in the 1700s, in which formal messages were printed

We should have a better understanding of love, and the Ancient Greeks worked it out perfectly by characterizing it into eight branches. Eros, Philia, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Pragma, Philautia, and Agape.

Eros is the type of romantic love that we experience with desire and passion. It is erotic, and sensual, filling us with intrigue for that person. It can be tempting and tantalizing, provocative, and salacious.

Philia is a love, which doesn’t hold a physical attraction. It is an affectionate and warm-hearted love. The fondness felt between friendships and a love that is felt between friends who have endured hard times together.

Storge is a natural love that family members have. The love that children have for their parents, and the love parents have for their children. Childhood friends that have grown into adulthood together feel this type of tender love.

Ludus is playful and affectionate. It is the type of love we feel when we have a crush on someone or in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. The flirting and teasing — the fluttering of our hearts to the feelings of euphoria.

Mania is the ugly insecure and dark side of love; it is a love that turns into an obsession. When a co-dependent loves a person for a sense of self-validation, their love can become possessive, jealous, and needy.

Pragma is the love that comes from an aged and mature relationship, built on long-term commitment. It is a love that has transcended the physical and has become harmonious from the healthy habits of compromises, tolerance, and patience.

Philautia is a healthy self-love that comprises a sense of common humanity, and self-compassion. When you can love yourself, you have more compassion for others, as you cannot share what you do not have. As Aristotle said, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” The only way you can be truly happy is to find unconditional love for yourself.

Agape is a selfless and spiritual love and this type of love feels unconditional. It holds boundless compassion for strangers, and an infinite empathy for something bigger than us, as in God and nature. It is the purest form of love within the eight branches and is free from desires and expectations.

If we were to understand more about the great pool of love, we may find we are better equipped in our relationships. Whether intimate or platonic — love is more than two-dimensional — love is fundamental in our spiritual, emotional, and physical lives.

And so, you are never alone, even if you’re not in a coupledom at the moment, you have many other types of loves to lean on. Valentines should be celebrated for all manner of love.

“The greatest pleasure in life is love.” Euripides, Ancient Greek writer

Thank you and I adore you

© Chantal Weiss 2024. All Rights Reserved

Love
Life
Nonfiction
Life Lessons
Philosophy
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