Summary

The content outlines the personal struggles and needs of someone with an anxiety disorder in the context of their romantic relationship.

Abstract

The article titled "I Love You, But I Have an Anxiety Disorder" delves into the author's experience with anxiety and its impact on their relationship. It emphasizes that while the disorder is a personal issue, it inevitably affects the partner as well. The author acknowledges that anxiety is not something that can be fixed by their significant other, highlighting the chronic nature of the condition and the importance of managing it rather than seeking a cure. Physical symptoms are also a significant aspect of the author's anxiety, manifesting in various ways that can be as debilitating as the mental strain. Despite the challenges, the author assures that there are good days and emphasizes the value of the partner's understanding and presence, which can be a powerful form of support, even if it means simply being there without necessarily taking action.

Opinions

The author believes that their anxiety is a personal burden that they do not wish to impose on their partner, yet they recognize its inevitable influence on the relationship.
They express that while compassion and patience are appreciated, it is unrealistic to expect the partner to always be understanding, given the relentless nature of anxiety.
The author is clear that anxiety is not something that can be cured or fixed by another person, and suggesting cures can actually exacerbate the anxiety.
Physical ailments are an often overlooked but very real part of the author's anxiety experience, which they want their partner to be aware of.
The author wants their partner to know that anxiety does not define every moment of their life and that there will be good days filled with shared activities and enjoyment.
They value open communication about their needs, whether it's for support or space, and recognize that this varies depending on the day and the level of anxiety they are experiencing.
The author appreciates the power of reassurance and the simple yet profound impact of their partner's understanding and love, which can significantly alleviate their anxiety.

I Love You, But I Have an Anxiety Disorder

5 important things that I want my significant other to know about my anxiety

Having an anxiety disorder is all-encompassing, it involves every aspect of my life. Making sure my significant other is in the loop is especially important to me. I need to tell her what is going on and try to prevent it from ruining a good thing.

Here is what I want her to know:

It’s Me, not you

My anxiety is all me, it’s my problem. I don’t want my anxiety to involve you, but unfortunately it does, and it will, forever. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, and I completely understand that you may not always be so compassionate, or even have any patience for me.

I want you to know that when I am in the throws of a panic attack, or just having a particularly bad day, it’s not your fault at all, and you can help me.

“My Anxiety is all me, it’s my problem”

But you can’t fix me

As much as you love me, as much as you want to help, unfortunately, you can’t fix me, no one can. There is no cure for anxiety. All that exists are methods to try to deal with it, to manage it. It will always be there, I will be a perpetual work in progress, trying to find new coping mechanisms and behaviors that help me get through my day to day.

In fact, even suggesting ways I can “cure” my anxiety, or “get over it” will just trigger more anxiety. It’s in your nature to want to help me out of this, but you can’t.

“Thank you for trying to fix me, but no thanks”

It’s a physical thing too

My anxiety manifests itself in a multitude of physical ailments. Sometimes it’s extreme fatigue. Sometimes it’s a migraine that will not go away. Or a stomachache leaving me shut in the bathroom. Sometimes my knee hurts. It’s different each and every time.

I am not using this as an excuse to get out of engagements, just know that my anxiety is not just a mental problem, it rears its ugly head in several different ways.

“Sometimes my knee hurts. It’s different each and every time.”

There are good days too

I want you to know that it won’t be all bad. There are many good days too. There are days where I will want to go on that hike, or visit that museum, or go to dinner with friends. We will still be able to enjoy life; my enjoyment just takes a little more effort than yours.

My enjoyment also might look different than yours. It might just be the fact that my brain isn’t spinning in a million directions for the moment.

Just realize that a good day does not mean I am magically cured. My anxiety can strike at any time, and there are many triggers.

“Anxiety will be an ongoing battle for me, a battle where I will hopefully win more days than lose.”

You can help me

You can join me in this battle if you want to. You don’t have to, but you can help, sometimes by doing and saying nothing at all. Just having you there and knowing that you understand is perhaps the biggest help of all. Even those words, “I understand” can do wonders to knocking down my anxiety.

Some days I will need to lean on you more than others. And then some days I will want to be completely left alone. I will make sure I verbalize what is going on, we will need to keep communication lines open, even when you want to poke my eyeballs out with a chopstick.

“Reassurance is HUGE for me, let me know it’s all going to be OK.”

There it is, and it feels good to even put this out there in the universe. I know you didn’t ask to be a part of this fight, but you being there for me and saying you love me lets me know that you truly do, no matter what, and you have my back.

Even on days when I want the world to end, or I snap at you for something trivial, just know that you being there means the world to me, and for that, I can’t thank you enough