I Love When I Can Prove My Narcissistic Mother Wrong
My narcissistic mother is wrong, I do have a talent after all
Have you ever seen Miss Congeniality? It is a movie that came out in 2000 with Sandra Bullock. She plays Gracie Hart, a detective who goes undercover as a contestant in the Miss United States pageant.
She has to perform in the talent part of the pageant, as the other contestants did. She demonstrates self-defense moves, but the best part is when she shows off her glass harp skills. It was a “WTF” moment and made me laugh. It was a cute and funny movie, and I’ve seen it too many times to count!
It got me thinking. What would my talent be if I were to be in a pageant? Now, I’ve never been the pageant girl type. My style is very much anti-pageant. Despite this, I spent much of my childhood trying to be worthy, because of my mother. Though it was what she wanted, she was clear that I would never be pretty enough to do something like a pageant. Her words stuck with me for a long time.
She wanted me to be like my sister, who was skinny, tan, and blue-eyed with blonde hair. She is a spitting image of our mother. So, really, I was to take after my mother’s image. Especially since once upon a time, like 100 years ago, my mother was Miss Arizona.
My mother wanted a preppy and pretty little girl. Not a girl who enjoys wearing fishnets, converse, and black nail polish. But I’m adopted and would never look or act like either of them. Nonetheless, my mother spent so much time molding me into who she wanted me to be. The more she pushed, the more I rebelled.
I never wanted to look like everyone else. I only tried to do so to appease my mother. She made sure I knew I’d never be accepted or loved. She made sure I knew I was talentless and nothing special. She made sure I knew that I wasn’t as pretty as other girls and that I wouldn’t find a husband by being my true self.
I enjoy being different, especially if it means not being like my mother or this sister. I enjoy my tattoos, piercings, and often crazy-colored hair. I like expressing myself and being unique. She did all she could to manipulate me into becoming her perfect little girl. She could never accept I have a mind of my own and I’m not afraid to express it. I don’t conform, plain and simple.
I’ve spent most of my life believing the things she told me. Thinking I’d never amount to anything and would never be worthy. Now I know she’s wrong. I’ve been trying to lean into my true self more and more lately.
Being brain-washed by my mother meant I never got to discover who I was on the inside. This limits how I can express myself. It has stunted my personal growth as a human being and now it’s like I’m learning about myself for the first time.
It’s a little at a time, but I’m becoming more and more comfortable and knowledgeable about who Quinn is. The other night, while trying to fall asleep, I got a random song stuck in my head. That’s when I realized my mother was wrong and I do have at least one talent, after all. A super-secret talent, which is absolutely useless. But are glass harp skills all that useful?
I have not listened to this song recently, which helped to confirm my suspicions. I discovered the song and rap/rock band in the late 90s when I was much younger. My mother was very strict and only allowed us to listen to religious music or boy bands. Thank the gods for Napster! My mother would have grounded me if she found out what I was listening to. My dad would’ve thought this particular band was hysterical, though.
As a silent ‘screw you’ to my mother, I memorized the lyrics to this song. Word for word. It was also kind of tricky to do. So, it made me happy when I could still recite it in my head as I tried to fall asleep the other night.
So, what song is it, you ask? It’s a classic, for sure. “The Bad Touch” from the album Hooray for Boobies released in 1999 by The Bloodhound Gang! Have you heard it? The entire album cracks me up. It’s filled with crude humor and sexual innuendo.
Thinking about it, I most likely have all the songs on this album memorized. Have you seen the amazing music video for “The Bad Touch”? If the answer is no, get your ass over to YouTube because it’s amazeballs!!
I have to add it back to my normal rotation because it puts me in a better mood and makes me sing (or..err…rap?) along. I know every word from start to finish. I’m sure I sound damn good doing white-girl rap, too. Haha!
I also like most of The Bloodhound Gang’s other albums. They released the album One Fierce Beer Coast with the single “Fire Water Burn” in 1996. In 2005 they released the album Hefty Fine, with a song called “Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss”, which I love. They also released an album in 2015, but I admit I’m unfamiliar with it. (oops!) But man, I love these guys!
My talent might be remembering song lyrics. It’s perplexing considering I can’t remember what I did yesterday or this morning. It’s a super special talent, for sure! With each little moment like this, I’m reminded that I am more than my mother has led me believe. Whether it’s because I persevere, or because I discover a fun fact about myself.
Yep, I’m totally a talented badass. Eat your heart out, mommy dearest!
Love, Quinn