Micro Monday

I Love Donuts

The other day, I went into a convenience store and bought two things: a box of stale donuts and a pack of condoms. I was trying to get a rise out of the cashier, and it worked.

“You’re going to fuck those donuts, aren’t you?” she said.

“I sure am,” I said.

“Do you really need the condoms, though? Last time I checked, donuts can’t get pregnant.”

“You should check again, because, nowadays, donuts get pregnant all the time. Besides, these donuts have ‘been around,’ if you know what I mean. I don’t want to get donut chlamydia. Donut chlamydia is even worse than regular chlamydia because it causes your dick to fill up with jelly.”

“But that box is sealed. Those donuts couldn’t possibly have been fucked by anyone else yet.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” I said. “Take it from a guy who was recently fired from a donut shop.”

I paid for my donuts and condoms, thanked the lady, then went to a nearby motel, where I had an unforgettable night of hot, sugary sex.

Unfortunately, the donuts weren’t the only things that had holes in them. Now, I’m stuck paying child support for a bunch of Munchkins and Timbits.

Want to read more nutty stories like this one? Subscribe to my mailing list. And if you’re not already a member, Join Medium to access tons of great content.

And here’s a book series about a horny cat detective: