I Love Being Alone (A Girl is a Gun by Halsey)

“I feel lighter in the waistline

With no hands around me

No spit in my teeth”

My one and a half year long separation is coming to a finalized divorce next month. About four months ago, I moved out to live on my own for the very first time in my adult life. Getting kicked out before graduating high school meant that I’ve always always had no financial choice other than to live with roommates.

I’ve had roommates that were just friends and some who were partners. I never had the space to think about how living with others was affecting me. Since getting an autism diagnosis in 2023, I’ve gained language to describe the ways that I’m uncomfortable all the time. One of those ways is that I feel overwhelmed in unstructured social interactions. Living with others taught me so much about myself and the world, but it did completely burn me out.

Living alone for the first time has shown me the small joys of putting things exactly where I want without them moving or changing. It offers me consistency in the space that I live in which has never been the case before. I’ve been truly appreciating how grateful I am to have time alone to reflect in a space where others are not constantly disturbing me. It’s been really cool to see my artistic potential in a space that makes me feel safe and inspired.

It wasn’t easy to get here, though. I felt extreme fear of being alone for a very long time. I doubted whether I could care for myself if I lived on my own (life can be overwhelming y’all). I was very co-dependent and overly invested in partners who didn’t appreciate me. I’m so grateful to feel more in control of my life these days and that I’ve been able to show better care for myself, by myself. I’m gaining trust in my own abilities and that is pretty badass.

What did you think of the song? :)

Check out my Spotify playlist here!

🦋 💖 ✨ Please make sure to ✨ 💖 🦋

👏Give 50 claps 👏

📖 Stay on the page for at least 30 seconds 📖

💬Comment your reflection of the article 💬

My writing is completely supported by readers like you. If you value my work, please consider supporting me by buying me a coffee https://www.buymeacoffee.com/myexistentialdiary.blog