avatarJeff Hanlon

Summary

The author of the article has lost their vowels in a boating accident and suspects fellow Medium writer R. Tsambounieri Talarantas of misusing them in her writing.

Abstract

The author recounts a harrowing experience where their boat sank, leading to the loss of their vowels. They enlist the help of Ace Sleuth to track down the culprit, who turns out to be R. Tsambounieri Talarantas, a fellow Medium writer. The vowels were found on a Greek beach and have been used liberally by Talarantas in her writing, much to the author's dismay. The author is running out of vowels and fears that everything will soon be written without them, making texts unreadable and causing a literary travesty. The situation is likened to the theft of Greek cultural items, such as olive leaves and the poem "The Iliad." The author expresses frustration and a sense of injustice, as they feel their vowels are being wasted by Talarantas.

Opinions

  • The author is indignant about the theft of their vowels and the subsequent use by R. Tsambounieri Talarantas.
  • The author believes that Talarantas's use of the stolen vowels is excessive, especially given the number of vowels already present in her name.
  • There is a sense of urgency and desperation in the author's tone, as they are "running out" of vowels and fear the implications for their writing.
  • The author feels that the situation is not just a personal inconvenience but a broader cultural theft, akin to stealing elements of Greek heritage.
  • The author is critical of Talarantas's lack of discretion and the lack of effort to conceal the use of the stolen vowels.
  • The author is thankful for the support received, possibly in their quest to reclaim their vowels, and acknowledges their readers for their understanding and engagement with their work on Medium.
Yachts International

I Lost My Vowels in a Boating Accident

And I want them back!

The sea was angry that day.

My tiny boat went down, and with it all my vowels.

Vowel Thief R. Tsambounieri Talarantas

Fortunately I knew Ace Sleuth, and he owed me one. Ace investigated and identified the vermin out who had ruthlessly stolen MY vowels. And then the vowel thief had used them wantonly in the stuff she writes. Even in poetry! Turns out this person is none other than fellow Medium writer R. Tsambounieri Talarantas.

Ace discovered my vowels had washed up on a Greek beach while whats-her-name was writing whatever-it-is she writes.

Ever since she’s been using them like a Greek sailor drunk on Ouzo.

Yeah, like she doesn’t have enough vowels already! Geez, just in her name she used more vowels than a hundred games of Scrabble!

I had my intern research this woman’s articles, and she squanders my vowels everywhere! This woman is shameless, making absolutely no effort to conceal the fact she has MY vowels.

I want them back!

I’m already rnng out f vowels!

Dmn!! Fck! Jst rn t f vwls!

Nw vrythng wrt wll b wtht vwls nd nbdy wll rd. Ths s trvsty!! ntl ths s crrctd rg y t byctt thngs Grk — lvs, bklv, Th Dyssy. Vrythng!

Thnk y fr yr spprt!

and to see why I write on The Haven and 11 other publications . . .

Humor
Writing
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