My Transition From Hustling To Surrendering: I Learned To Start Embodying Peace Instead of Chasing It

Peace is not something to attain, it is something to become — I learned after quitting my job.

I’ve been a go-getter all my life. I thrived in my drive and passion and used it to move at an accelerated pace in life. I benefitted from to-do lists, and from bursts of energy because I knew how to direct it into accomplishing my goals. I let my mind and body exist on the restless side of the spectrum, because why not? I could achieve whatever I wanted if I just set my mind and energy to it. It was empowering, even if it was stressful at times.

As an eternal seeker of peace, I would also “give” myself long phases of rest, after striking off a goal from my list after a couple months of hustle and hard work. And once I got bored, I’d set out to hustle again. This was the life formula I cracked for myself. A cycle of hustling and resting.

Little did I know then, that those brief phases of “rest” would be crucial in shaping my life path.

It turned out that each time I looked back in time fondly, my most cherished and nostalgic phases always turned out to be those months of “rest and peace” — the ones where I was not strategizing my next moves, was just going with the flow, was using my time to do only the things I loved.

It was not my accomplishments or my victories that brought me real joy. It was the privilege to simply exist, the freedom to simply be.

So I embarked on a journey of finding peace, in the hopes to capture it and keep it.

After one last forced hustle in my life, I naturally gravitated towards a slow and peaceful life.

I started to cut out the major things that were significantly disruptive to the peaceful state of mind I wanted to be in. I also let go of the things that had served their purpose in my life and were no longer meant to stick with me. My corporate job was one of those. The city I was living in was another. Groups of people were.

It turned out, that changing my external circumstances was only the beginning of my journey towards peace. The actual one was the journey within. The one towards my soul.

I needed to travel. But not in the world we see, but in the world within, the one we can only feel.

But first, I needed to re-wire myself from the inside out.

I needed to get out of the “set goal, hit goal” mentality.

I needed to cultivate mindfulness in all my little actions and reactions in my day to day.

I needed to calm myself down to a significant level, so I could hear my soul speak.

So I re-arranged my daily routine to be one that contributes to my soul’s journey, not take me away from it.

I'm a big advocate for discipline. All my life, it wasn’t just my drive but also my discipline that made me accomplish my goals — to be here today, free from the bondage of the corporate world and into the art of writing.

But I never realized the power that discipline had over my mind.

One of the major culprits for us feeling a lack of peace even when we have all the time in the world to relax, is our mind.

We have no control over it.

Disciplining my life and my day-to-day, brought discipline to my mind as well.

Because when I stick to my routine, there is only so much idle time in between activities for my mind to wander off, too far into the future or the past. Additionally, each routine I have — exercise, meditation, healthy diet, practicing arts, and the boring cleaning chores too, has a positive impact on my state of mind, which keeps it anchored, from getting lost in the sea of thoughts.

Earlier, my daily activities would be crafted to help me hit my goals — like study time to crack a job interview, or work time to do extra projects for that promotion. Now, the activities are carefully chosen by me to be only those that help me in my inner journey.

I cultivated a discipline of getting all the chores done in the mornings. So that leaves me with uninterrupted slots of time for meditation before noon. And for the rest of the day, I’d turn to my art hobbies and quality time with my family. I let myself be fully present and immersed in the day, not worrying about the outcome. Not worrying about the end “goal”, like I was previously wired.

I started to disengage and remove myself from situations that were too loud for my quiet mind.

Most of us live ordinary lives, no big drama unfolds every day. And yet, we struggle to maintain a quiet mind.

We underestimate the impact of our micro-actions.

I learned that every small action I took contributed to or took away from the silence in my mind, as my actions would accumulate over time to create a hole in my mind through which all sorts of noises would enter — like a silly argument over something trivial or something immutable.

So I became extra aware of the disruptions in my external surroundings that would disrupt my internal world too.

I learned that the way to maintain a silent mind was to keep our energy levels in a state of balance, and for that, it’s important to be wary of where to spend it and where to save it. This applied to my physical, mental and emotional energy.

When I met my true self on this journey, I learned that I needed to nurture my inner child. And for that, I needed to go easy on myself by removing the burden of expectations that my adult self placed on itself.

This one needed the most re-wiring, considering that I spent most of my life as a goal-hitter — the biggest of them being the ones I set for my own growth as an adult. Such a mentality helped me in the corporate world. But in my spiritual world, it had no place.

In my first month here on Medium, I had a decent writing streak. It was a very productive stint in that I slowly gained new followers with each new post of mine, and a lot of support and encouragement from this wonderful community of writers.

And then I fell off for a week. I lost my writing pace.

A week of absence from Medium later, self-doubt crept in. Maybe this whole writing thing was a short-term romantic affair because I didn't meet my goals for a whole week. I was lagging.

And then I realized, it was not the real me doubting myself. It was the “idea” of me I had, the goal I unknowingly set for myself of becoming a writer.

I reminded myself that I write because I feel inspired to write, I feel passionate. And when I pour heart and passion into my writing, it becomes art. It becomes nurturing. It becomes self-care. When I write just to “sell” my writing or to meet my own expectations of busting out N number of articles a week, it takes away the essence of my work. It removes me from myself.

It suppresses my inner child and burdens the adult to follow society’s conditioning of competitiveness.

Instead, I choose to view my writing skills as a gift from God, as an art to immerse myself in. I choose to not bring my “go-getter” mentality into my writing. I chose to keep it sacred. I choose to engage in art the way I did as a child.

I hope to reflect my peaceful state of mind in my writing too. I don’t wish for claps or accolades. I wish for it to connect with at least one reader, whose moment in a day feels a little more uplifted, and a little more entertained or a little more peaceful.