I Learned Lessons From People Who Disliked Me

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Abstract

d he had the usual excuses during that conversation. Again, same behavior, this time with a vengeance. There was partiality and sarcastic remarks. He would watch over me even during the breaks I would take. There was also mental torture, yelling, and then trying to call up to apologize. He would try to reach me through others after the yelling. Sometimes, would tell me the next day that he had taken sleeping pills, so did not get up early. At one point, he told me I should be arguing with him and why I keep quiet. He also ensured I don’t get a pay hike during one of the reviews. I cannot explain in further words how I dealt with all this. During this time, some other person reported against him.While I was a coward and putting up with this behavior, I was also planning to quit the job. I was so helpless, despite my responsibilities and financial obligations. I was searching for ways to get rid of him. This helplessness got projected as me wanting to quit but coming back to the job. This did affect my mental health quite badly. One fine morning, we got to know, he will be moving to another department. It was his own choice or he got shunted out, I did not try to find out the reasons.My Efforts:<ul><li>Even though I was not being assertive, I was patient and

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respectful.</li><li>Even though scared, scarred, and suffering mentally every single day, I did not give up hope.</li><li>I did some courses and equipped myself with knowledge. These were not related to the industry I was a part of. I learned other subjects and was ready to move out if things went wrong.</li></ul>Lessons Learnt:<ul><li>Maintain work etiquette despite your personal and cultural values.</li><li>Respect your team. Do not ill-treat them just because you are leading them.</li><li>Practice kindness. Be empathetic. Pause before judging others.</li><li>Refrain from mentally harassing anybody. You never know what they may go through.</li><li>Do not doubt your team and follow up on them every second. They know their job well.</li><li>Do not play a victim after causing harm to others.</li></ul>Of course, this bad experience was also a learning phase for me. I took it with utmost positivity. I was vulnerable, but I had faith and hope that things will work out. If I look back, I am amazed at my patience levels and how I dealt with the problem. Only these values helped me sail through those tough times.<h2 id="9de0">“Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” — Harold S. Kushner</h2>2021 — A.H. Mehr</article></body>

Short Personal Perspectives #2 —Workplace Harassment

The Negative Experience: I no longer work with this person now. He came across as very good outside of the team. I was happy that if changes happen and I am supposed to report to him, there will be no problems. Yet, once he started working with us, I got to know his true colors. Though he was well read and efficient, he lacked in behavior. He would swear during meetings, yawn on the calls, and would be very restless. He never followed the meeting etiquette.

None of us, at least me, dared to point out these issues. I had reported against one senior colleague’s bad behavior earlier, and things went against me. I avoided reporting against this person this time. I was a coward, or was not assertive, scared, did not want to lose this job — reasons can be anything.

I did talk to him once and told him upfront, and he had the usual excuses during that conversation. Again, same behavior, this time with a vengeance. There was partiality and sarcastic remarks. He would watch over me even during the breaks I would take. There was also mental torture, yelling, and then trying to call up to apologize. He would try to reach me through others after the yelling. Sometimes, would tell me the next day that he had taken sleeping pills, so did not get up early. At one point, he told me I should be arguing with him and why I keep quiet. He also ensured I don’t get a pay hike during one of the reviews. I cannot explain in further words how I dealt with all this. During this time, some other person reported against him.

While I was a coward and putting up with this behavior, I was also planning to quit the job. I was so helpless, despite my responsibilities and financial obligations. I was searching for ways to get rid of him. This helplessness got projected as me wanting to quit but coming back to the job. This did affect my mental health quite badly. One fine morning, we got to know, he will be moving to another department. It was his own choice or he got shunted out, I did not try to find out the reasons.

My Efforts:

Even though I was not being assertive, I was patient and respectful.

Even though scared, scarred, and suffering mentally every single day, I did not give up hope.

I did some courses and equipped myself with knowledge. These were not related to the industry I was a part of. I learned other subjects and was ready to move out if things went wrong.

Lessons Learnt:

Maintain work etiquette despite your personal and cultural values.

Respect your team. Do not ill-treat them just because you are leading them.

Practice kindness. Be empathetic. Pause before judging others.

Refrain from mentally harassing anybody. You never know what they may go through.

Do not doubt your team and follow up on them every second. They know their job well.

Do not play a victim after causing harm to others.

Of course, this bad experience was also a learning phase for me. I took it with utmost positivity. I was vulnerable, but I had faith and hope that things will work out. If I look back, I am amazed at my patience levels and how I dealt with the problem. Only these values helped me sail through those tough times.