Summary

A retiree's wife recounts her experience of guilt and reluctance to assist her husband with his DIY boat propeller replacement project, ultimately deciding to let him handle it alone, reflecting on the dynamics of her marriage and her mother-in-law's approach to such tasks.

Abstract

The author describes her feelings of guilt as her husband embarks on a complex DIY project to replace the propeller on their boat. Despite her initial offer to help by pulling the boat trailer to the ramp, she is filled with apprehension about her ability to do so without mishap. Her husband's comments about the potential difficulties of maneuvering the trailer only heighten her anxiety. The narrative takes a turn when she mentions her mother-in-law, who never engaged in such activities, preferring to direct from the sidelines. Realizing that her mother-in-law would not have participated in the task, the author decides to embrace her own preference and stay out of her husband's projects, enjoying her afternoon at home while he completes the work independently.

Opinions

The author feels a sense of guilt for not wanting to participate in her husband's DIY projects.
She acknowledges her husband's newfound skills and the money they have saved from his repairs, but she still prefers not to be involved.
The author is apprehensive about her ability to pull the boat trailer safely, fearing she might run it into a ditch.
She uses her mother-in-law's lack of participation in similar tasks as a justification for her decision to not help.
The author ultimately decides that she does not want to be her husband's assistant in his DIY endeavors, choosing to enjoy her time separately.
There is an underlying comparison between her own approach to marriage and household tasks versus the dynamic between her mother-in-law and father-in-law.

I Know I Should Have Helped

But I didn’t want any part of my husband’s scheme

Now that my husband has retired, he wants to fix everything himself. Instead of calling in plumbers, electricians, or repairmen, he tackles projects, sometimes leaving things dismantled for days.

He’s even taken up sewing. He ordered a zipper repair kit from Amazon and replaced the zipper on his leather jacket. But the new zipper broke as soon as he tried to zip it, so he said, “I guess I’ll need to get a new jacket.”

I didn’t say anything.

I admit he’s developed some skills and can now fix most things, except zippers. He’s saved us a lot of money. But one big thing I’ve realized is that I don’t want to be part of his do-it-yourself projects. Leave me out of it, and I’m fine.

I didn’t retire so I can be his personal fix-it assistant.

But the other day I felt guilty. He devised a complex scheme to replace the propeller on our boat.

The new propeller, which needs to be on the boat: photo by author

Step one was hooking the boat trailer to the car, strapping a kayak on top, and driving to the public boat ramp.

Next, he would kayak back across the lake to our dock, drive the boat over, hoist the boat on the trailer, remove the old propeller and replace it with the new one.

Then he had to return the car and the boat. To do this, he needed to tie the repaired boat to the pier at the public ramp, pull the trailer to the boat lot, drive the car home, kayak to the ramp, pick up the boat, and drive it back while towing the kayak.

Complicated, isn’t it?

I could simplify things by pulling the trailer to the boat ramp. So feeling guilty, I offered. He accepted my offer, and I immediately started having second thoughts.

I had never pulled the boat trailer. What if I ran it into a ditch? I’m not the best driver in the world, even without a trailer.

I can do this, I told myself. I just need confidence.

Then he said, “Be sure to swing the car wide when you make a turn.”

“What happens if I don’t?”

“You’ll either hit the stop sign or go in the ditch.”

Then he added, “Bring something to do. It may take me four or five hours to replace the propeller.”

“I’m happy to help,” I replied. “Because I’m sure your mother would have helped your father with a project like this.”

My husband got quiet for several minutes. His mother would have done no such thing. I don’t remember her ever driving a car, let alone ferrying a boat trailer. She wouldn’t even ride in a boat.

She preferred to remain in the house and direct things.

“I want to plant a fig tree. Dig a big hole. I want some things from the store. Here’s my list.”

My father-in-law adored her and did whatever she asked.

After five minutes of silence, my husband said, “My mother would never have helped my father with a project like this. Why don’t you stay home. I can get this done by myself.”

So that’s what I did. While he ferried trailers and kayaks and boats back and forth, I enjoyed my afternoon.

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