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Abstract

ated a poll on Instagram during my research and the results are revealing.It turns out that 51% of women consider kissing someone else when you’re in a relationship to be OK and 91% of men consider kissing OK.I know you’re in the remaining 49% women. Wait, did you vote, too, Katy?I’m evidently among 91% men. No, I didn’t vote. Apparently, I can’t vote in my own poll. Obviously, I wouldn’t have voted even if I could. You know I’m an ethical person.If you think my poll results are overgeneralized, you’d be wrong. I will tell you why.As you know, I have 3,523 followers on Instagram. I was hoping every one of them would vote. But, for some reason, only 642 people voted. 642 is still a huge number. You’d agree.Among 642 people, 421 were women and 221 were men. Just an FYI.I wouldn’t have a strong case if 50% of women or more in my Instagram poll said kissing is cheating. You know I’m a rational man. But, it’s only 49% women. There you have it.I know writing this letter to you conventionally like it’s 1844 isn’t ideal, but I thought a handwritten letter would be romantic. Also, I would’ve sent this whole message through Snapchat or Instagram chat had you not blocked me everywhere.I thought about sending this through email, but you never gave me your email ID. Luckily, I know our home address to send this letter. I genuinely hope the postal service hasn’t been rendered obsolete.By the way, if you were wondering, I’m staying at a suburban hotel. I don’t want to give you the impression I’m hiding from you out of shame or guilt.I k

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now this is the fifth time you caught me kissing another girl since our wedding. But, you know I was drunk all the other four times. In fact, that’s why I was making out during those 4 occasions. So, technically, this was my first “mistake” if you intend to point a finger at me.Let’s talk like adults. Unblock me on social media and/or email me at [email protected]. Let me know what you think about the Instagram poll.Also, please tell me you didn’t participate in my Instagram poll. As much as I respect your opinion, I don’t want to compromise on the results of my research. It wouldn’t be ethical had you voted. My poll results could save millions of relationships. You don’t know that.I remember you once wrote a piece in The New Yorker called “Not Sending Emojis Could Mean Your Partner Doesn’t Love You”. But, as you can imagine, I can’t use any emoji in this Victorian-era letter.Let me know when you think we should get back together. I’m excited for us. I have to go to London this weekend to buy Christmas gifts to surprise the love of my life.Obviously, it’s you (insert face with tears of joy emoji)Send my regards to your sister Amber. I hope she’s excited as I am about her wedding next weekend.Also, tell her to unblock me on social media. It’s not funny. I will catch you guys at the wedding?Can you imagine if I kiss Amber again at her wedding? (insert face vomiting emoji)Oh, come on! This is funny. I just hope you’re smiling now.All my love,Srini (insert face blowing a KISS emoji)</article></body>

I Know I Cheated on You, But Let’s Get Back Together

You know you are the love of my life

Hey Katy,

I feel awful after what happened last Saturday night. It took me 3 days to realize what I did at that party. No, it’s not because of my hangover. I needed time to do some intensive research to prove what I did that night wasn’t exactly cheating.

I know I kissed Amber. I know I wasn’t drunk drunk. I can see why you’re mad at me since then. In my defense, I didn’t know you were standing right behind me and watching me.

I’m sorry. That’s not funny. I’m just a little anxious now. It was our wedding anniversary party and it must have been horrible to see me kissing some other girl. That was terribly irresponsible. If I’m being honest, I thought Amber was drunk that night and she wanted me to kiss her.

Again, I’m kidding. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked you right away, but how are you holding up from being cheated on by the love of your life? Well, cheating would be a strong word. But, I wouldn’t blame you if you were feeling a little disappointed right now.

Anyway, here’s the thing: I created a poll on Instagram during my research and the results are revealing.

It turns out that 51% of women consider kissing someone else when you’re in a relationship to be OK and 91% of men consider kissing OK.

I know you’re in the remaining 49% women. Wait, did you vote, too, Katy?

I’m evidently among 91% men. No, I didn’t vote. Apparently, I can’t vote in my own poll. Obviously, I wouldn’t have voted even if I could. You know I’m an ethical person.

If you think my poll results are overgeneralized, you’d be wrong. I will tell you why.

As you know, I have 3,523 followers on Instagram. I was hoping every one of them would vote. But, for some reason, only 642 people voted. 642 is still a huge number. You’d agree.

Among 642 people, 421 were women and 221 were men. Just an FYI.

I wouldn’t have a strong case if 50% of women or more in my Instagram poll said kissing is cheating. You know I’m a rational man. But, it’s only 49% women. There you have it.

I know writing this letter to you conventionally like it’s 1844 isn’t ideal, but I thought a handwritten letter would be romantic. Also, I would’ve sent this whole message through Snapchat or Instagram chat had you not blocked me everywhere.

I thought about sending this through email, but you never gave me your email ID. Luckily, I know our home address to send this letter. I genuinely hope the postal service hasn’t been rendered obsolete.

By the way, if you were wondering, I’m staying at a suburban hotel. I don’t want to give you the impression I’m hiding from you out of shame or guilt.

I know this is the fifth time you caught me kissing another girl since our wedding. But, you know I was drunk all the other four times. In fact, that’s why I was making out during those 4 occasions. So, technically, this was my first “mistake” if you intend to point a finger at me.

Let’s talk like adults. Unblock me on social media and/or email me at [email protected]. Let me know what you think about the Instagram poll.

Also, please tell me you didn’t participate in my Instagram poll. As much as I respect your opinion, I don’t want to compromise on the results of my research. It wouldn’t be ethical had you voted. My poll results could save millions of relationships. You don’t know that.

I remember you once wrote a piece in The New Yorker called “Not Sending Emojis Could Mean Your Partner Doesn’t Love You”. But, as you can imagine, I can’t use any emoji in this Victorian-era letter.

Let me know when you think we should get back together. I’m excited for us. I have to go to London this weekend to buy Christmas gifts to surprise the love of my life.

Obviously, it’s you (insert face with tears of joy emoji)

Send my regards to your sister Amber. I hope she’s excited as I am about her wedding next weekend.

Also, tell her to unblock me on social media. It’s not funny. I will catch you guys at the wedding?

Can you imagine if I kiss Amber again at her wedding? (insert face vomiting emoji)

Oh, come on! This is funny. I just hope you’re smiling now.

All my love,

Srini (insert face blowing a KISS emoji)