I just do not know how to fucking forgive myself

March 2, 2021

Jeff,

Our affair was not intense. Well, I made it intense, because I’m fucked up, but it was far far from some grand all-consuming passion. There was no romantic love. It was just desperation, loneliness, and selfishness.

I just do not know how to fucking forgive myself.

I just do not know how to fucking forgive myself.

“When you sleep with a married man, it’s not just him. There’s a whole constellation of people behind him, and it takes years to build trust in a marriage. And when you sleep with someone’s husband, it’s not just a moment. It’s years of his life, and hers, and the promise they made to each other and their kids. And it’s everything. And you’re just shitting all over it.”

-Helen, The Affair