I Intend To Pick The Path of Long-Term Survivability

Summary

Emma Holiday shares her profound journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a transgender woman, highlighting the monumental decision to transition and the pursuit of a survivable and joyful life.

Abstract

Emma Holiday eloquently conveys the life-altering realization of being transgender and the arduous journey that followed. She acknowledges the difficulty of making significant life decisions, particularly one as profound as transitioning genders, which she describes as a pre-determined path dictated by her inherent gender wiring. Despite the inevitable pain that comes with such a decision, Holiday rejects the notion of succumbing to suicide or enduring a lifetime of suffering, instead choosing a path of long-term survivability and happiness. She hopes to share her experience and insights to alleviate the loneliness of others in similar situations and to foster understanding and acceptance from cisgender individuals, emphasizing that transgender people seek normalcy and respect.

Opinions

Holiday admits to not having all the answers regarding transgender experiences but recognizes the unique yet converging paths of those with gender dysphoria.
She reflects on the initial perfection of her life before acknowledging her transgender identity, which has since redirected her life's trajectory.
Holiday views gender dysphoria as an unyielding force that guides transgender individuals along a well-travelled road, despite attempts to resist or delay the transition process.
She believes that the pain associated with transitioning is unavoidable but is committed to a path that ensures her long-term well-being and happiness.
Holiday's writing serves therapeutic purposes, helping her process her experiences and acceptance of her identity.
She aims to connect with other transgender individuals through her writing, offering solace and reducing feelings of isolation.
Holiday also writes to bridge the gap of understanding between transgender and cisgender individuals, advocating for empathy and equal treatment.

There are some things that occur in life that are simply monumental. Discovering that I’m transgender was mine.

Let me start by saying I do not have all the transgender answers. I am constantly humbled by my ignorance, but I do recognize a few things that I’ve learned along the way as I have come to grips with my gender dysphoria, and the realization that I have been transgender all my life.

The hardest lesson I’ve learned is how incredibly difficult making a significant life decision is. I thought I knew, but, in the scale of my life experiences, gender dysphoria has forced me to make the most brutal one, one that I could never have conceived of only a few years ago: permanently changing my gender.

Just five years ago, my life was as perfect as I could have made it. Sure, I had lots of life issues, some of which I could not control, but I accepted it all as the package called “LIFE.”

There are some things that occur in life that are simply monumental. They change the entire direction of your life. Discovering that I’m transgender was mine.

I’ve learned from so many others that this transgender road has been well travelled. Along the way each of us have had unique diversions but the path always seems to join back up to the main road. Gender dysphoria has a way of herding us along that road no matter how hard we try to divert or stall the journey.

It has taken me a painfully long time to realize that, for me, there really hasn’t been any real choice. It was pre-determined by my gender wiring before I was born. My lifetime battle of resisting my reality has to end sometime. The futility of fighting it becomes clearer every day.

Regardless of my decision, there will be pain. That’s life. I refuse the suicide option and I know I’m not a martyr who can suffer a lifetime. I intend to pick a path of long-term survivability then improve it as I go along. Those in my life who want to be a part of it will be a part of all the joy I can bring.

I just hope they remember to buckle up.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed definite themes: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria, and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender, and, in some way lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to simply be understood, accepted and treated as normal people. We are.