MEDICAL MISADVENTURES MINISERIES
I Hope I Have A Fungal Infection
A bacterial invasion would also be acceptable
Cross your fingers, say a prayer, or send well-wishes my way. We’re rooting for the discovery of fungus or bacteria in my blood. I’ll appreciate your support as I await the results of my lab tests. Thankfully I’m not a nail biter — feel free to chew yours off for me.
A blood culture checks for foreign invaders like bacteria, aliens, yeast, pirates, and other microorganisms
After almost three months of unexplained symptoms, the latest in a parade of medical professionals ordered more blood cultures. A pleasant laboratory staff member siphoned two bottles of my life elixir from each arm, asked if I had eaten recently, and sent me on my way. I didn’t even get a lollipop or sticker for sitting still.
I’m a little nervous because the person who sucked out my blood said they were just ‘helping out’ at the lab and kept asking questions of other staff. They didn’t know how much blood to put in each container and whether they were supposed to stab each arm, or just one.
As long as there isn’t a black market for potentially infected blood, or a secret tribe of vampires living in the bowels of the hospital, I trust they got my sacrifice to the proper place. Now we wait — and hope fungus or bacteria will show themselves with a gross, yet fascinating growth pattern. Is it just me or do petri dishes of fuzzy, circular growths look irresistibly intriguing?
Considering the alternatives — an autoimmune disorder, tick borne illness, and other chronic diseases — I am hoping fungus or bacteria have taken residency in my body. If that’s the case we can eradicate the little fuckers and I’ll finally be able to get on with my life.
How much longer are my humor fans expected to live without my stories inspiring hysterical laughter? My readers are depending on me to keep their funny bones strong. I’m like their virtual personal trainer. All of humanity depends on the healing power of humor. I must live on!
~ Medical Misadventures Miniseries ~
Part I: I Hope I Have A Fungal Infection Part II: Fungi Declare Woman’s Blood Uninhabitable Part III: I Hope the MRI Machine Doesn’t Smother Me Part IIII: I Was Trapped in a Semi Truck Trailer
Rachael Ann Sand writes about life’s lessons and experiences including educational, humorous, and personal pieces. Thought provoking, informative, and often entertaining, her writing style is infused with personality. Rachael earned a B.S. in Education, Teaching Licensure, Parenting Coach Certification and Life Coach Certification. Her passion for the next generation extends to all living things. As a cyclist dedicated to a sustainable lifestyle Rachael rides through the world on two wheels.