avatarPamela J. Nikodem, MSED

Summary

The web content discusses the role of critics, including our own inner voice, in personal growth and the importance of not allowing their negative feedback to deter one's actions and self-belief.

Abstract

The article "I Hear You, I See You" delves into the concept of feedback control in the context of personal development, emphasizing that while critics exist, their presence is secondary to one's own actions and beliefs. It suggests that critics, whether external or the internal voice, serve to challenge us but should not impede our progress. The piece underscores the significance of courage, as exemplified by Brene Brown, in facing both internal and external criticism. It also explores the idea that while we should acknowledge the presence of naysayers, we must not let their negativity hinder our growth. The author, Pamela J. Nikodem, advocates for a balanced approach to feedback, where one listens without absorbing the negativity, thereby maintaining focus on personal goals and self-improvement.

Opinions

  • Critics, even when negative, have a role in helping individuals grow by challenging them.
  • It is important to acknowledge critics without allowing their feedback to discourage or destroy one's motivation.
  • The article suggests that intention is key to growth, and that how we react to feedback determines our path forward.
  • Emotional responses to criticism have a dual nature; excessive concern for others' opinions can lead to despair, while a complete lack of concern can stifle empathy and emotional growth.
  • Self-talk is a powerful internal critic that must be managed to prevent it from undermining self-confidence and motivation.
  • The author emphasizes the importance of self-belief and the courage to act despite criticism, drawing inspiration from Theodore Roosevelt and Brene Brown.
  • Pamela J. Nikodem encourages readers to change their internal narrative by recognizing and controlling negative self-talk to embrace their true potential.
  • The article concludes with a call to action for individuals to empower themselves by putting negative thoughts in their place and embracing their unique strengths.

I Hear You, I See You

Even the negative naysayers have a place in life: They help us grow.

Photo by mari lezhava on Unsplash

Welcome to feedback control 101. You are free to think, feel, and do what you want to do, and whether or not someone agrees or likes what you do, isn’t the point. People in our life show up, sit front and center, and make themselves known.

They show up for multitudes of reasons. Some of them amazingly supportive and others, well, they hit the wall with disappointment and downright meanness. The moment we rise up and take a stand, our power returns. We can say to the critics: You are welcome to be present in my life, but I am not absorbing your feedback. I am going to do what I need to do despite the negative thoughts you spew forth.

We are the one who shows up. The one who believes, braves the doubts, and does the work.

Critics show up. They are either complete strangers or family, who feel like strangers. The purpose, whether we like it or not , is to give rise to the doubts and worries plaguing the mind. So, when we save a seat in our lives for the critics, we give them permission to exist, not permission to destroy.

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things. Theodore Roosevelt

How we place them in our lives depends on the focus we have and where we intend to go. Intention is the path to growth. The emotional component to caring what people think or feel has a double edged sword appeal.

First, if we dwell too long on what people ‘think’ we might become devoured by despair and disappointment in ourselves. Second, if we don’t care what people think to the point of walled off emotions, we cut the part of us, which heals, grows, and shines the beautiful talent of empathy.

Our values are part of the directive of our motives and actions. For instance, Brene Brown talks about the value of courage. She values courage, so getting on stage, no matter who is there, whether they boo her off or they embrace her, the idea is she has to do this because this is her path.

Courage keeps her motivated to embrace the changes to help send a message out there for others to embrace, even if some of them refuse to hear the message. To shut down the voices in our heads when critics outside of us show up builds the foundation for growth and focus.

For instance, we can say “Hey, I hear you. I see you. I am not going to buy into your opinions anymore” (Brene Brown), is such a freeing experience.

Our lives will be surrounded by naysayers. They are a dime a dozen. On the one hand, your mind plays the part of the naysayers and on the other, it plays the part of deflating others. We are self-immortalizing and self-demoralizing all at the same time, depending upon the situation. So, are we situational pros or cons to life?

I hear you, I see you, but you are not helping me grow so you need to step back and just be.

“Modern society is filled with myths about our goodness” is on the one hand and the “symmetry of exchange is sufficient defense of your behavior” is the other.

If you have a negative expression and you share it with someone, you may or may not get the response you want to hear. If you share a positive experience, the same thing happens. Why do we stay stuck in fear of the negative reactions when in reality, both negative and positive will arrive. Maybe not at the same time, but they will both arrive.

The single, most important person in our lives is ourselves.

We are our worst critic. We can hear what others say and set that apart from us, we can shut the negative coming in from outside, but the negative coming in from the inside, well, that’s a whole new story right there.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

If we save a seat in our life arena for the negative self-talk in our minds, we can then separate the incoming chatter from our motivation. The incessant overly commanding voices, which tell us we needed to look a certain way or derail what we did say, may not show up until three in the morning.

We wake up remembering a portion of what we shared and the negative self-talk voice commands we listen. Once again, we have to face the naysayer of ourselves directly. I hear you, I see you, but you are not helping me grow so you need to step back and just be.

Often, the person we forget the most is the one who showed up to inspire us greatly to change whatever it is we desired and then, to get us motivated to help others. We are the one who shows up. The one who believes, braves the doubts, and does the work. So, even though we put the negative self-talk critic aside, honor it in the place it occupies, they don’t have to own our mind. The one who drives us to boldly share is the one who is our biggest cheerleader.

The survival mode is part of our make up. The part of our brain, which sees or hears something which threatens our survival is a pivotal aspect of our ability to process. The brain predicts the best possible scenario to protect us. The negative self-talk is not only directed at ourselves, it also starts tearing apart someone else.

The ability to stop our brain’s story telling and check the facts helps us to derail the potential trip down a negative story line. We have to recognize when the emotions have taken over the wheel of car in our minds and reign them back into the trunk.

What do you need today, to change the brain script you tell yourself? Its one thing to recognize the negative naysayers and give them space, its another thing to be the naysayer in your head and believe every word. You are the one who holds the power to get rid of the overlord of noise. Put the negatives in their place, stand up, and be your amazing self.

~Just a thought by Pamela

Thank you for reading.

Check out my two publications: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly for a look into all aspects of relationships, and Early Bird Musings, which shares the morning insights leading to a better day of life in the present moment.

About Me: Pamela J. Nikodem, MS immersed herself in studies surrounding relationships, domestic violence, and trauma. Her focus is to guide men and women into a place of peaceful assertiveness. ©2020

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