HUMOR
I Have Quit Putting on Clothes
If you think this is clickbait-y, you’re right; it’s also the truth.
A timeline of the de-evolution of clothes wearing during 2020
March 2020
March begins normally. By mid-March Covid-19 has made its American debut. David and I tell our 9 and 12-year-olds to hang in there. Covid-19 will be over in a couple of months, probably. We don’t believe this but we need to soften the blow by bending the truth a bit. We continue changing out of our pajamas into day clothes. It’s a habit that comes naturally at this point.
April 2020
School has been virtual since spring break. I have grant writing gigs and Zoom meetings. David has graphic design Zoom meetings from our home office — the garage — which is also the laundry room, storage room, and junk room. A Pendleton blanket serves as a staged tidy backdrop. We joke about wearing pajama bottoms on Zoom because who will see anyway? And, if John Krasinski is also wearing pajama bottoms and tutus on Zoom I know we’ll be in good company.
May 2020
School is still in session, but will let out two weeks early. Our daughter, Ceci, keeps seeing puppies being fostered and adopted. She decides we need a puppy, too. We say no. She’s been asking since March. Or April. The months are blurring together. We continue getting dressed for school and Zoom meetings. We joke about wearing pajama bottoms to Zoom meetings but don’t do it. We let the kids wear pajamas to school Zoom.
June 2020
We know Covid-19 will last for a year, maybe two, maybe more. We do not tell the kids this. I’m starting to wonder why I get dressed each day. School is out and my work Zoom meetings are over. I do put on clothes for my Zoom writing group. David has had to go back to work in the office. The kids wear pajamas pretty much 24/7 now. Ceci continues asking — née nagging — for a new dog. We continue saying no.
July 2020
I start preparing our kids for not seeing their friends on their birthdays this year. On my birthday, I wear pajamas all day. Writing group has been meeting since March and I decide they won’t kick me out for wearing pajamas to Zoom meetings. I’m wearing pajamas more days than I’m wearing day clothes. Writing group lets me stay, pajamas, frizzy hair, and all. Ceci is researching dog breeds that will be a good fit for our home.
August 2020
I have given up wearing day clothes. I wear pajamas several days in a row. I lose track of days in between showers. I no longer have Zoom meetings.
August 21st is a monumental day. My friend Evie comes over for a social distancing visit. I shower — I can’t remember the last time I showered. I choose lavender pants and a purple t-shirt. Evie and I visit for almost four hours. I confess I got dressed for the occasion and wear pajamas most days now. She is still going into work so hasn’t devolved into pajama wear — yet.
We introduce Evie to our new puppy a Jack Russell Chihuahua mix. Ceci named him Nugget.
2020’s New Fashion Nouveau
Thankfully, I have a large assortment of pajamas — a gift my kids often get me for Christmas. There’s a set that I swim in as the wrong size was purchased — it’s a lovely lavender but requires the work of hitching up the bottoms when I walk around the house. I’m not trying to moon anyone.
Then, there’s the black and leopard set from Walmart that I found incredibly tacky when first gifted. It’s a fuzzy, soft set. The bottoms are leopard print. The top is black and says “I ❤ Sleep”. The heart is leopard print. Faking a smile I thanked my son for his thoughtfulness. Turns out they’re one of my favorite pairs.
The Christmas flannels are worn year-round. They have pockets. All pants should have pockets. ALL pants should have pockets.
There’s the satin old man pants that Aunt Mo brought to the hospital after I had my first child. They also have pockets. There’s the mooning danger again though…
And, there’s the pink pajama bottoms that still fit but the shirt is long gone as I will never fit into it again — it was cotton and shrunk considerably. I wear an assortment of t-shirts with these pajama pants.
Shirts I wear with Pajama bottoms
“Give a Hoot. Don’t Pollute.” Owl graphic. Softest t-shirt I own.
“Take a Hike.” Scenic Print. Double entendre.
Snoopy at a barbecue.
Rotation of two shirts from a disability rights conference I attended in Taiwan with my dad. His shirt was too small, so I have a medium and large. They both fit. I can’t read Mandarin Chinese but I recognize the bubbly beer they decided to print — unsure what beer had to do with the conference.
An orange Puma brand shirt I purchased at a thrift store about two decades ago.
Fancy pants
The kids are going back to virtual school on August 31st. I’m thinking it’s time to order some fancy pajama tops for any teacher conferences that may arise. If you angle the camera just right, you can barely even see the top you’re wearing anyway.
Since 2020 has been a shitshow to a massive degree and it doesn’t look like I’m leaving the house much until 2021 at the earliest, I’ve decided Day Clothes are not for me.
In my house, for me, it’s Night Pajamas and Day Pajamas. Comfort over everything. And, that’s that.
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