I Have Jitters Before a Hotel Meet

Why now?

Oh..okay. Tomorrow is the date. Meet. Sex.

Lots of sex.

But exploring each other too. Having fun and relaxing.

I’ve done this before. I’ve seen LaPetiteMorte before. This is not new.

So why jitters? And why now?

I am nervous and twitchy. Thinking of the logistics. Going over my checklist, over and over. Making sure I’m prepared. He’s prepared. None of this is new.

I think it’s because I rarely get a second meet.

This one feels different. He’s kind, funny, and sweet.

And into me. He wants to be there.

That first night was romantic and sweet. It was full of passion and desire.

Now that we’ve explored each other, seen each other cum, tasted something incredible. How can we top that?

I know many people do. It’s not unusual. Many have that long-term or friends with benefits partner and it’s fantastic.

I have a broken record of empty promises and false expectations.

So until I’m there, can I believe it? Can I believe that he’s going to be there for me in the way I need?

And can we sustain it? Can we make it last?

I worry about things out of my control. A million things could happen between today and tomorrow.

What if his boss makes a last-minute meeting he can’t get out of?

What if his wife decides to have another zoom call in the middle of the day?

Car trouble?

COVID cough?

Me.

What if he decides he had enough of Clara?

What if the person I let him see is not enough?

We all put our best foot forward in chatting and coffee. We don’t want them to see the dirty laundry and monsters inside. They don’t need to see the things our spouses now hate about us. The way we act around others until they roll their eyes and walk away.

But I show my monster. I don’t hide who I am. He sees the smart mouth, the insane wordplay, jealousy, anger, and a bit of crazy.

It’s who I am.

He may decide that I’m not as wonderful as he hoped.

That I’m not as sexy AF.

He’ll realize I’m only a middle-aged overweight lady that likes to get fucked hard and her pussy licked from time to time. Okay, a lot of licking.

That he will find someone else that is better.

All these thoughts make me jittery today. I am waiting for that inevitable text that says:

“You are not what I’m looking for.”

It hasn’t happened yet. It might not. I’m still freaked out that it’s going to.

Standby.

And wait.

MonsTer is trying to help me. He’s the best.