I Have Glitter In My Pocket

And I am throwing it into 2021

When my three youngest nieces were little, I moved back to my hometown. Not having children, I made the decision I wanted to be around them as they were growing up. My job was ending, and though I could have transferred to another job within the company, even the closest possibility was states away.

It proved to be a good decision. We spent a lot of time together. My siblings loved having me around to babysit, especially because I was up for doing all the fun stuff they were too exhausted to do. Slumber party anyone? Concerts? Those crazy things that parents say no to? We created a ton of memories.

My nieces are all grown now, but I still find glitter all over my house, left from the old days when they were young. They loved glitter. It was on their clothes, in their lotion, in their makeup (when makeup was not supposed to be worn outside the house — unless they were with Aunt Kim), on much of what I bought for them. While I know glitter is the bane of existence for many, it always makes me smile. I love catching a glimpse of it.

What a year 2020 has been. Three members of my family have died. I got a job (after 18 months of unemployment) and lost it a month later. My mother has Alzheimer’s that has escalated at a rate that stuns me. COVID has hit all around us. Our community is a red zone right now. Daily I hear sad stories of deaths and hospitalizations and slow healing and exhausted healthcare workers. I live in a nation of racial tension, economic tension, deep division with no compromise, and general lack of trust — we have lost so much of who we should be. I could go on, but you understand.

Still, living all of these negatives and feeling them strongly, I still haven’t lost hope. I still haven’t lost my thought that life is good and we are resilient. I still know I will handle what I need to handle, as will most of the rest of us. We’re stronger than we think.

While I could choose to look at the darkness that will accompany the new year, and welcome it with dread, I choose to look for the glitter that’s twinkling in our future.

• While I have lost people I love, I got the opportunity to love them. We don’t come with a guarantee of any number of years. We need to treat each one as precious, and while I may not have always done that, I think they all knew they were loved by me. As the new year comes, our family is expecting a new little one for us to love. (We just found out it will be another boy.) A child is never a replacement for someone lost, but a perfect addition.
• The job I lost? It wasn’t going to be good for me for a lot of reasons. Losing it made me think outside of the box. I made some decisions that should make for a better and more fulfilling life than if I had taken that path. Possibilities appeared because I began to rethink my priorities and wonder how my circumstances could make my life even better.
• I worked a contract job for a short period at the end of this year that reminded me that employee-focused companies do exist, and where kindness and encouragement were the expectation and not the exception. It was refreshing. I hope to work for them more in the future.
• My mom’s condition should continue to escalate in 2021 unless a miracle happens. Taking this journey with my four siblings makes it much easier, though. The pests of my childhood are the best allies I could ever have now.
• I listened to an episode of New York Times podcast The Daily last week. It replayed part of an episode from earlier in the pandemic when a reporter was embedded in a New York hospital. It reminded me of how far we have come in a very short time. It also reminded me of the goodness and wisdom of so many humans that got us to this point.
• Watching the world around me reminds me there are a lot of amazing people out there. I was in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s last week and the rain was pouring. An elderly lady had just put her groceries in her car. I watched a young lady go over and ask if she could put her cart away for her. (“Let me get that for you — you get out of the rain.”) She had a brash and unique style that would have scared many seniors. Both ladies made my heart sing as I watched their encounter. Kindness and graciousness go a long way — both in giving and receiving. Different doesn’t scare everybody, and when we live in fear of it, we miss out on good things.

Happy new year to you. May you spend your time looking for the light switch instead of staying in darkness. If you can’t find that light switch, you may just find a fleck of glitter. Don’t let it pass you by. It will remind you that light comes in many forms and there are always reasons to celebrate.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” — Desmond Tutu

Kim McKinney is not always an optimist by nature, though in the end she always chooses to lead herself back to that place. She has big plans for the new year — and if they don’t work out she knows out to pivot to find an even better path paved with the glitter of pure gold.