I Have COVID, Here’s How I Manage My Anxiety

Having COVID can lead to a lot of health anxiety

Yesterday morning, I got my test results: I have COVID. Through most of the pandemic, I have been very scared to get COVID and I was usually pretty cautious. However, with the omicron variant taking over and having seen how a lot of people around me only showed mild symptoms when they got the virus, I’ve become less and less anxious — I slowly and carefully accepted the idea that the worst of the pandemic might be over for me, and that my life in the Netherlands is now normal again.

I’ve never had COVID, until now. I fully believed that if I was careful enough I’d never get the virus, which has been true. I’ve been less cautious recently, and now I have COVID, and I am anxious.

• Anxious because my symptoms aren’t that mild (it could be way worse, though)
• Anxious because I’m scared to feel weak for weeks
• Anxious because I might have infected that sweet lady at the supermarket before I knew I had COVID

I am catastrophizing. My anxiety saw a window of opportunity and took over. My readers will know that I’ve had an anxiety disorder before. I got rid of my panic attacks for good, but my anxiety still comes around sometimes. She checks on me.

But I know I have a toolkit full of coping mechanisms. I know what I need to do. I won’t let my anxiety get to me.

What my anxiety is trying to tell me

I sit down in my backyard and let the sun touch my skin. The weather has been good lately, something to be thankful for. As feelings of anxiety arise after feeling a weird itch in my body (COVID symptoms are so weird!), I remind myself what my anxiety is trying to tell me.

My anxiety comes from a good place: my will to live.

I know that my immune system will fight as hard as my anxiety is, coming from that same source of power.

I thank my anxiety for watching over me, and also tell her that there’s no need to worry because I’m doing everything I can to get better and so is my immune system. I trust my body and I trust the future.

I’ve been sick before

My anxiety is not that convinced yet though, so I remind her I’ve been sick before. There have been times when I had felt much worse, even. I’ve always gotten out of sickness.

Controlling what can be controlled

As me and my anxiety are having a full political debate in my head, I remember what this is all about: control. My anxiety is freaking out because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen and she can’t stand that. But there’s no possible way to know what will happen.

All I can do is trust my body, and support my immune system any way I can. I am already controlling everything that can be controlled: My diet is healthy, I’m taking vitamin supplements, and I’m making sure I rest enough.

So, bittersweet anxiety, your whole point was invalid to begin with. I win this debate.

Deep, deep breaths

As I visualize myself getting a Nobel prize for kicking anxiety’s a**, I realize how tense I am. My (and most other people’s) immediate response to any feelings of anxiety is to tense up: my shoulders rise, my jaw clenches, and my forehead is making an effort to leave an imprint of a permanent frown. I start to fiddle with something and my legs get restless.

All this muscle tension will only lead to an increase in symptoms (of either COVID or anxiety).

I take a moment to breathe. I close my eyes, breathe in deeply through my nose, and exhale through my mouth. I take a couple of deep breaths while allowing my muscles to relax. When I open my eyes again, I see a clear blue sky, I hear birds singing, I feel the warm and gentle touch of sunlight. My dog runs up to me with his favorite ball, hoping I’ll throw it away for him.

Life is pretty good, actually.

If you struggle with anxiety and want to read more of my work on dealing with anxiety, check out this reading list:

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