I Have Been Looking at Pictures of You

I know I shouldn’t

It was late at night When I broke my promise: I started thinking of you again.

I grabbed my phone And scrolled down At images I know I should have deleted months ago.

There you are.

You smile You stand You stare You look straight into the lens.

It’s you.

Now I’ll think of you all night long. Probably all week long. Perhaps all life long.

There’s no escaping you. Nor do I really want to.

It’s you.

But you are not free to be here.

It’s you.

And I’m here. Away from you.

I lie in bed and look at the ceiling An abyss where I wish you could be.

It’s you.

You You You.

But I don’t even dare say your name aloud.