I Hate That My Son Beat Me At Chess

Does that make me a bad parent

I was one of those dads who wouldn’t let his kids beat him at anything. My thinking was if and when they eventually beat me it would be an achievement.

I’m not talking about when my kids were 3 or 4 years old. This was when they were older, around 9 or 10, and had a good sense of competition.

I wanted them to learn how to win and lose well.

With me, they learned to lose very well.

Don’t get me wrong. I did teach them as we went along. I would show them where they went wrong.

In chess or checkers, I would show them a better move than the one they made.

In a card game, I would show them whether to discard, keep, or whatever, depending on the game we were playing.

Later on

In his teens, my son picked up basketball and became an avid player. Initially, I would show him no mercy. I was taller and stronger and took full advantage of it.

It all came to an end.

My son eventually grew bigger and stronger. He had other advantages like he was fitter and faster. As a result, he began to beat me at basketball on a regular basis.

I still had chess.

I was still beating him but his improvement was evident. Games were closer and I had to think to beat him. I stopped informing him of his errors but he didn’t need me to. I wasn’t the only one he was playing with. He picked up better moves and tricks elsewhere and brought them home.

And then he beat me. He was 15, I was 48. I remember it because he does.

By the way

I had two older daughters who had long moved on from their competitive father and weren’t interested in any one-on-one games with me. Family game night was fun for them though even there my competitive juices flowed.

Back to my son

My son and I played chess again a few weeks after I recovered from my defeat.

He beat me again.

It wasn’t a fluke. He was good. He was better than me. The student surpassed the teacher.

And the teacher wasn’t losing well. With all my teaching of how to lose with grace, I couldn’t practice what I preached.

Hypocrite.

My son was a better person than me. He began showing me the error of my ways and teaching me better moves. He had learned how to win well to my shame.

Or to my benefit.

Our chess games continued to be close. He wins some, I win some. I think he’s still up on me but we stopped counting.

Looking back

We haven’t played for years now. He got caught up in higher education and his girlfriend, who is now his wife. My wife and I have moved to a different province and the last time they visited we golfed and went sightseeing.

My enthusiasm for chess has waned. I think it’s because I haven’t played in a while so my chess-muscle in my brain is weak.

I need to strengthen it again. I have a 4-year-old grandson to school.