I Hate That I’m a Human, and You Should Too

We’re all slaves to psychology and the quirks of being human

You ever wonder what it would be like to be as fast as a cheetah, to have vision like a hawk, or to be as strong as a gorilla?

Don’t get me wrong, I love being human. We’re clearly the best (and not self-centered at all), but often I wonder if life would be simpler without all the quirks and responsibilities that come with humanity.

Sometimes, I hate that I’m a human, and here’s why you should too.

We’re highly dependent upon our caretakers well into our teenage years

In 1800, a young boy, aged 11 or 12, emerged from Aveyron forest in the South West of France. It’s believed that he had been living in the wild for at least several years, hence why he received the nickname the “Wild boy of Aveyron”.

Doctors called him Victor, and he became a science experiment into the question of nature vs. nurture. Would he be greatly affected by the lack of human care early in his life? Clearly, he managed to survive, so unlike the rest of us, he wasn’t entirely useless on his own…but at what cost?

Many people who had heard of the boy thought that maybe he would be a decent person, uncorrupted by modern civilization and our devious ways.

That wasn’t the case at all.

Victor was a mess. Awful hygiene, defecated where he stood (didn’t wipe), little concept of language, and primarily motivated by hunger. Eventually, the boy was taught how to properly dress, learned how to use a toilet (and wipe!), and though he acquired some basic language comprehension, he never learned how to speak fluently.

Some folks think Victor was autistic, cast aside by his mother from a young age not wanting to care for the boy (another reason humans are great). But in reality, we’ll never know.

What we do know is that the vast majority of humans are highly dependent upon our caretakers well into our teenage years, not just for survival, but for the future quality of our lives. A shit roll of the dice from birth and your entire trajectory is at peril.

I’m fortunate for the way mine turned out, but who wants that sort of gamble?

Humanity’s actions decide the future of this planet…and we kind of suck at it

Kitty Genovese became a classic case study in psychology, not because of who she was, but because of what happened to her.

In the Queens borough of New York City, in 1964, in the wee hours of the morning, Kitty Genovese was returning home from her shift as a barmaid when she was attacked and stabbed to death by a man later identified as Winston Mosely.

The New York Times reported that supposedly 38 people witnessed the attack but stood by and did nothing. The event prompted research into what eventually became known as the bystander effect, aka “Genovese syndrome”.

Though researchers have since discovered several inaccuracies in the New York Times report (shocking, I know), the bystander effect has become an understood concept in human psychology, with strong evidence that, in certain situations, people are more likely to act (or not act) when part of a larger group. The much more recent George Floyd situation, in which four ex-police officers stood by while one fatally knelt on the man’s throat, is another prime example of Genovese syndrome at play.

Pretty jarring to think that the fate of this planet and how we take care of it (recycling, renewable energy, natural resources, etc.), rests on the shoulders of a bunch of apes who are greatly influenced by the action, or inaction, of others.

So far, we’re not doing so great at it.

Our Brains Revolt Against Us (But Really They’re Just Trying to “Help”)

Christine Costner Sizemore, born in 1927 and recently passed in 2016, was diagnosed back in the 1950s with multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder.

Sizemore’s alter egos included Eve White, Eve Black, and Jane. There were others, but these were the ones published into the book, The Three Faces of Eve, written by her Psychiatrists (!!), and later made into a motion picture starring Joanne Woodward.

To put things unapologetically blunt, Sizemore became one of the world’s most famous “crazy” people.

Her personalities were expressed as a coping mechanism for the trauma she witnessed in childhood, which included seeing a man get sawn in half and watching her mother terribly injured in an accident.

In later years, she described how her multiple personalities eventually combined into one “united personality” that ultimately ran the show until she passed in 2016. However, she still referred to her past as having belonged to her alter egos, noting that her husband was actually married to Eve White (not her), and that Eve White was also the mother of her first daughter (again, not her).

Though Sizemore’s case is of the extreme (not everyone’s life gets a movie made about them), it still highlights the mental struggles that all of us face on a daily basis, most of them caused by completely normal shit, and often stemming from our childhoods, of which we already learned we have little control over.

Personally, many of my actions and behaviors are influenced by whether or not they increase or decrease my anxiety. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a teenager, and though I’ve largely got it under control, I’m always forced to deal with it.

Anxiety is normal, but it’s a quirk, a flaw resulting from evolution lagging behind the times. In the grand scheme of things evolution happens fast, but it doesn’t happen fast enough to keep up with rapidly evolving technology and human civilization.

I understand it’s my brain trying to protect me, just like Sizemore’s brain was trying to protect her from her childhood trauma, but damn, it’s a rough go sometimes.

A Few Other Reasons Why Being a Human Sucks

Just in case you’re still on the fence, here are a few other reasons why I think being human sort of sucks, based purely on the events that happened in my life yesterday:

“How I Made $20,000 This Month from Writing” posts are infuriating, but I read them every time

Most are wildly generic and only highlight the things you already know, but dammit they get me every time. It’s a psychological game that I’m aware of, yet I still lose simply because the headline strikes an emotion and the desire I have to make that kind of money from writing.

The same logic applies to those advertised articles that read, “You won’t believe what Shakira looks like now!” Though 99% of the time I don’t click (let’s ignore the 1%), I’m still very tempted to click.

We’re wicked smart, but also dumb as heck

Humans created a machine to affordably, efficiently, and repeatedly make hot coffee in minutes, but yesterday, I dumped the ground coffee into the water reservoir of said coffee maker without thinking twice. There’s nothing worse than a problem that occurs BEFORE you have your morning coffee.

Another prime example — What am I going to tell my kids someday when their successful father still smiles on the inside and says, “Nice” when the speedometer hits 69 mph?

We’re never satisfied

Even on my most productive days, when I get everything done and then some, the feeling of satisfaction lasts for all of an hour. Then, it’s back to self-loathing for not doing enough, not moving fast enough, and “what can I do tomorrow?”

If my clothes don’t fit right, my day is fucked

You can throw my fragile self-confidence right out the window. It doesn’t matter how lean or “healthy” I am, if the clothes don’t fit, I’m infinitely more self-conscious. Might as well quit and start over the next day.

What’s All This Mean?

Sure, we don’t have to worry about running in fear of our lives (at least not most of us), but in exchange, we struggle for money to keep us fed, hydrated, clothed, and sheltered. We’re useless for the first thirteen or so years of our lives. And we’re slaves to our lagging human psyche, which often works against us in the pursuit of our hopes and dreams.

Sometimes, I wonder if it wouldn’t be better fighting for my life instead of working for it, but then I sit up on my leather couch, inside my air-conditioned home, whip out my smartphone, order Chick-Fil-A delivery and think, “Meh, this ain’t so bad.”