I Hate Being Motivated By Numbers

I’ve been disappointed so many times.

I admit it. I’m a stat junkie.

I love going to whatever platform I publish on and surfing through the statistics of views, earnings, how many people popped in to give a comment. Anything that has a number next to it? Yep, I am all over it.

I hate it.

Let me backtrack just a bit for you.

I’ve been writing for many decades now, though my professional obsession with it has only spanned twenty years at this point

Before then, I did it for myself more than anything. Much to my dismay and not a little heartbreak, I fell into a marriage with a wife who decided the best thing she could do for me was to destroy everything I had written in a bonfire.

Check that item off the “Never Wanted That” bucket list, I guess.

Another relationship led to the woman taking off with everything I owned, including my typewriter, my computer, and every disk of backups she could get her hands on. Never saw her, or my stories, again.

Those are just a couple of samplings from the buffet of disappointment I have endured when it comes to my life, especially regarding my writing.

Now that I am a published author (both traditional and non), I’ve come to rely a lot more than I would like on the number system as a feedback mechanism for how I’m doing.

It’s also giving me that ever-so-beautiful dopamine hit that keeps my fingers pressing on these tired old keys.

After looking through all the success and failure stories on the internet my blind eyes can feast themselves upon, I can safely say I am not alone in my quest for the next “fix.” Maybe it’s a product of our modern times, but the amount of writers I have seen both celebrating and lamenting their stats is astounding.

Oh, sure, I have tried to stop. Just like giving up the things I was addicted to in my youth, I find it damn near life-altering to get myself to not click that easy-to-reach button to see how my stories are doing.

It’s so simple. Press the key, dude. You can do it. See if that thing has moved any since you last checked an hour ago.

I tell myself I can quit any time, but there I am a few hours later, skimming over the page almost as a dullard, wishing against hope someone came across my story in their feed and gave it a chance.

It’s hard to stop. Once you’ve had that taste, quitting that dopamine hit is not something one passes with ease.

I’ve been disappointed too many times in my life to turn down that brief moment of joy.

How about you? Are you as hooked as I?

About me:

I am an author with over a dozen books and dozens of short stories published. I have experience with both traditional and self-publishing and love to discuss the pros and cons of both.

Why do I write? Because I am blind and live on woefully low disability payments each month. The government graced me with trying to live on about $700 per month, and I decided to start publishing because I also like to be able to eat.

If you like my work and feel inclined to support it, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi.

Thank you from the depths of my soul for being here. Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment.

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