I had to Dump one of my Closest Friends

There’s always a limit

Let his name be E. E. was one of my closest friends.

He is a “good guy”, who unfortunately happens to be also toxic, at least for me. There is no evil in his behaviour, and I’m sure he is not aware of it like it always happens with emotional vampires.

E. is a mixture of many different types of emotional vampires: he is judging, always at the centre of the world, imposes his opinions and makes others feel bad about theirs.

He talks a lot, always knows better, always is so.

He also had quite good sides that masked a lot of his toxicity, enhancing it at the same time. He is a social animal and, after all, always manages to find someone with which to hang out. The opposite of me: it seemed the perfect match for a good friendship. That and the fact we liked the same music and played in the same band.

E. was a constant, overwhelming presence in my life, demanding more and more time, energy and attention. I was often talked down even for not replying to calls or messages, even during work hours, or late at night.

He was completely blind to his errors but somehow super attentive and sensitive to mine.

Always eager to point them out, talk down to me and make me feel small.

His toxicity became evident when — high on love — I confessed that I appreciated him being around in a dark moment of my life: there was no reaction in him like he was not able to process those kind words from me.

I had the feeling he couldn’t stand sincerely positive feelings, he simply couldn’t get them.

For more than 10 years, I had to put some distance a couple of times but it always lasted for a few months, after which he came back slowly, gradually, until I found myself again in the same situation without noticing it.

E. started acting worse than usual, adding to the judgement and the critiques also a big dose of material demands: car rides, dinners, phone calls, borrowing stuff and money.

One day, he popped up with a text asking me to make him stay for the dinner at mine, give him a ride to his favourite salsa dance pub, stay there with him all night and come back to my house to sleep: he had his reasons (?).

It was my birthday.

I told him to fuck off. I told him that I loved him as a brother, but I was not comfortable anymore around him. I told him that I had already tried and that I wouldn’t have tried again in the future. Not any more.

I honestly closed the argument by warning him that, from that moment on, he wouldn’t have gotten any other reply from me. Ever.

It’s been six years since then. I have one friend less.

But I don’t regret exchanging that friendship with peace of mind.

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