I Had to Call Bullshit on Myself

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Abstract

. I have grown a lot doing shadow work. I also know that if we have a trauma we haven’t faced, it will keep returning until we do. Today, while I was swimming, I realized that I was being inauthentic with myself because I have been burying a very significant trauma in many posts lately. I called bullshit on myself. The honest truth is that the article needed to be written by me. It should not have been classified as what it was however. It probably should have been a stand-alone article. The article should have been classified as a crisis of faith or loss of faith. I realized that I have never come to terms with this.My spiritual growth has triggered an internal debate. The old trauma is arguing that if I can be spiritual then why can’t I return to having my faith? If I can be spiritual, why can’t I be religious? If I am to be totally authentic I need to get this resolved. I don’t think that I can get my religious faith back. I am not proud of that but I feel that is an honest assessment. I see religious faith as a powerful thing for other people. I was proud of my mother that although she had questions of faith she could never resolve that she was able to keep her faith. Isn’t that is what faith

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is all about?This issue has been cropping up in articles lately. I didn’t think about it at the time, it just seemed to be something that fit into the articles. I was ignoring reminders that I had work to do. I was not being honest with myself. I was being inauthentic. I do not know at moment how to resolve this. I need to find a way to forgive myself for losing my faith. I need to accept that it is okay to not be religious but to believe in the fundamental truths of the goodness which is the basis of all religions. I need to keep working on my spiritual growth.I need to think more about why articles are being written. It possibly doesn’t matter to other people how an article is labeled. Many may have seen this crisis playing out in my writing but knew it was for me to discover. If someone had said this to me I do not know if I would have listened. It would have added to the inner dialog but I don’t know if would have been accepted.In order to be authentic I need to be honest with myself. I need to face the hard things. Little did I know that this week’s series of prompts would lead me down this path but I am glad they have. The work continues.</article></body>

Wednesday Reflection — Inauthentic

I am a firm believer that most articles write themselves. I just need to get out of my own way and write from my heart and my gut. I had written an article on being inauthentic. I liked the article and it was, I thought, a very honest one. One of the points I made in the article was that at times I wonder if I am being fully honest with myself. I wrote and submitted an article on Monday that I said was a response to a prompt. The prompt was about a cliché that turns my stomach. It was a very difficult article for me to write and, as soon as it was posted, I wondered if I should remove it.

Shadow work is difficult. The hard work is worth it in the end. I have grown a lot doing shadow work. I also know that if we have a trauma we haven’t faced, it will keep returning until we do. Today, while I was swimming, I realized that I was being inauthentic with myself because I have been burying a very significant trauma in many posts lately. I called bullshit on myself. The honest truth is that the article needed to be written by me. It should not have been classified as what it was however. It probably should have been a stand-alone article. The article should have been classified as a crisis of faith or loss of faith. I realized that I have never come to terms with this.

My spiritual growth has triggered an internal debate. The old trauma is arguing that if I can be spiritual then why can’t I return to having my faith? If I can be spiritual, why can’t I be religious? If I am to be totally authentic I need to get this resolved. I don’t think that I can get my religious faith back. I am not proud of that but I feel that is an honest assessment. I see religious faith as a powerful thing for other people. I was proud of my mother that although she had questions of faith she could never resolve that she was able to keep her faith. Isn’t that is what faith is all about?

This issue has been cropping up in articles lately. I didn’t think about it at the time, it just seemed to be something that fit into the articles. I was ignoring reminders that I had work to do. I was not being honest with myself. I was being inauthentic. I do not know at moment how to resolve this. I need to find a way to forgive myself for losing my faith. I need to accept that it is okay to not be religious but to believe in the fundamental truths of the goodness which is the basis of all religions. I need to keep working on my spiritual growth.

I need to think more about why articles are being written. It possibly doesn’t matter to other people how an article is labeled. Many may have seen this crisis playing out in my writing but knew it was for me to discover. If someone had said this to me I do not know if I would have listened. It would have added to the inner dialog but I don’t know if would have been accepted.

In order to be authentic I need to be honest with myself. I need to face the hard things. Little did I know that this week’s series of prompts would lead me down this path but I am glad they have. The work continues.