I Had A Funny Thing To Say, But The Conversation Moved On
It’s not like we’re on a totally separate topic…
About twenty seconds ago I had a line that would have killed. Would it be weird for me to say it now? I know that never works, but I’m really tempted. Maybe just this one time?
It’s not like we’re on a totally separate topic… You know what, I’m just going to feel it out next time there’s a pause.
Whoops, might’ve had an opening, but my mouth was full of capocollo ham. Or was is it guanciale? Which one has extra thick marbling? Is it still called marbling when the meat’s cured?
Okay, I had back-to-back opportunities and whiffed on the second thinking about fancy ham. Need to stay focused.
Or should I just let the joke go? Forced humor is the worst…
What do I have to lose, though? These are my friends.
Missed my chance again but this one wasn’t my fault. Where did Prosciutto di San Daniele even come from?
Maybe if I worked soppressata into the joke…
Oh god, the conversation stalled and they’re all kind of looking at me. I don’t think I’ve said anything in a while. Mostly been eating imported pork. This is the best moment I’m going to get for my joke… Okay here goes!
Wait, did Jeremy just pronounce the “a” on the end of mortadella? I should probably address that. Not “correct” him, per se, but, like, we can’t just let glaring inaccuracies hang over this friend group can we?
Actually… do you drop the “a,” or is this like when I thought “gabagool”was real because “I heard it in Goodfellas, I swear!”?
Now I’ve paused in the middle of explaining Jeremy’s faux pas that might not actually be a faux pas. This is not good.
“Oh is it like “prosciutt’?” he deftly asks, trying to save me.
I miss his softball question and instead say something about “super”-ssatta.
They’re not laughing.
Not even sure they realize I said “super”-ssatta.
Yup, pretty confident they think I exclaimed “soppressata” for no reason.
Are they bringing me soppressata? Did they see my neck sweat and think I wanted salami to stave off a panic attack? Like some kind of salt-cured epi pen?!
Blurted out my zinger in knee-jerk desperation. Zero laughs.
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