I Grew Up Believing I Wasn’t Good Looking Because I’m Dark Skinned

How the media has always pushed for fair / white skin as being beautiful

This year I turned 34 years old. 34 years of living in this world, of gaining life experiences, of learning so much about myself and those around me. Here I am, an adult man, married with a kid, working in a professional career and looking forward to what else life will bring to me.

For most, my life sounds quite good. I have a good paying job, have a loving family and I’ve had a relatively good 34 years so far.

And I’ll be honest, life is good right now. It’s not perfect but it can be considered pretty damn close to it. Compared to so many others out there who are less fortunate than me, my life is good. It’s great. But not many (aside from my wife) would have known that for the longest time, I struggled with how I looked.

Yep, believe it or not, men feel insecure about their looks too. And for me, it was something I struggled with since I was a young boy until I was about 30 years old.

For those who don’t know me personally (and that’s probably 99% of you on this platform), I’m of Chinese and Bidayuh descent. My grandparents from my dad’s side migrated to Malaysia from China back in the early 1930s when they were still teenagers trying to escape poverty and build a better life for themselves and their future children. My father was the 1st generation of his family born in this country and I’m only the 2nd generation.

My mother’s side of the family hails from the Borneo island of Malaysia, Sarawak. They are of the Bidayuh tribe, one of many indigenous tribes on the islands of Borneo. Both my mom and dad’s sides of the family cannot be more contrasting, especially in terms of looks.

One side has fair, white skin, very little body hair and very tiny eyes. The other, the complete opposite with dark skin tone, tons of body hair and big wide eyes.

You can say I’ve inherited both but more dominantly from my mother’s side. I have dark skin, big eyes and am pretty hairy all around. However, I didn’t feel like I got the better deal when I was younger. This is because of my name. As my father is Chinese, I take after his family name — a Chinese name.

And as any stereotyped Chinese, I’m nothing like one but I have the name for it.

So you can imagine how I felt growing up. A dark skinned Chinese kid who was ashamed of how I looked. I was told that I wasn’t good looking because I wasn’t fair, that I would be so much better looking if only I had fairer skin.

I was told to use whitening face creams, lotions that will help my skin get fairer and all sorts of other ‘tips and tricks’ to help my skin be fairer.

It didn’t help whenever I had family gatherings on my dad’s side and I was always the dark one when everyone else were fair. Heck, even on my mom’s side, I’m one of the darker skinned one.

It took me 30 years to finally accept that this is just how I am. This is how I look, that I have big eyes, dark skin and am pretty hairy. And honestly, I’ve always loved how I look. I was just never encouraged to do so. I was always told that I needed to look fairer and that in turn, taught me to not like my dark skin — which is fucked up.

Because it also painted a picture that my other dark skinned friends, especially the Indians, are not good looking because of their dark skins. When in fact, they are some of the most beautiful people around.

It’s stupid to determine whether a person is beautiful based on their skin colour alone.

It’s stupid to teach people from young that they’re not good looking enough if they don’t have fair skin.

It’s stupid.

And it took me a long time to finally accept that I’m good looking enough, that I am good enough, even with my dark skin. Everyone is good enough, regardless if their skin is fair or dark.

Beauty shouldn’t be based on skin tone. Beauty should be based on personality and attitude.

There will be others like me who will not feel like they’re good looking enough because of their skin tone and we need to stop it. We need to stop feeding the narration that fair skin equals to beauty and dark skin doesn’t. We need to start teaching our young children that they’re beautiful regardless of how they look, as long as they have a beautiful heart.

I mean, if you want to look fair because you like that look, that’s fine. But you shouldn’t feel like you’re not enough just because you feel or people tell you that you’re not fair enough.

And while we’re at this, the same can be said for those who are fair and have been told they’re too pale looking and need to be darker a bit.

You’re enough the way you are. If you want to change, change because it’s what you want, not because others tell you to. Do it for yourself, not others. But always remember that you are enough. Whether you’re fair skinned or dark skinned, you’re enough.

Be comfortable in your own skin because that’s who you are. It’s part of you and it will always be part of you.

I just wished someone would have told me that when I was much younger.