I Grew Up, and Into Myself.

Last month, I turned twenty years old.

Perhaps that was the start of the change for me. I thought about this the other day; there is a higher reason I was created at this exact time and place in the universe. When I was sixteen, our democracy was challenged. When I turned twenty, our world flipped upside down in an uncontrollable world pandemic.

In the next decade, the systems as we know it will crumble, and a revival will emerge from the ashes.

In the same breath, I see this revival stirring up into myself. I used to be insecure, always comparing and contrasting, and listening to negative influences used to flood my head and heart. Now, I guard myself. Not too much to not let anyone in, but just enough to protect my heart. I know what I deserve, and I am not willing to settle or allow external damages.

I keep things to myself. I used to tell everyone everything, but now my next moves are mine only. I have secret projects, secret thoughts, personal loves. There is genuine beauty in sharing pieces of your life only with yourself. That is how I created myself.

I know what I want. I create decisions quickly and gain respect. I wrote a list of what my expectations are for relationships, friendships, partnerships, and work. I will compromise, but I will not settle. Those two concepts are different.

I see myself in the positions I desire, but I am not attached to them. Losing is another external damage that I will not allow to creep into the crevices in my heart. I am perfectly content on where I am now, but always want to grow and thrive ethically. I am no longer the college freshman who had to spend 75 hours a week, continually joining clubs to create communities. I am a college sophomore who leads those communities. My work has paid off, but I realize now that the price of time is worth more than a position.

My goal is to spend time with myself. I truly am the most at peace or content when I am walking through the city. Content and happiness are two different concepts, but sometimes being content is more important than being happy. I am genuinely just at peace.

I focus only on the three months ahead of me. August, September, and October is my next goal. I am now bicoastal, enjoying the fall days in Boston and watching the light pour in. I always find inspiration in changing my perspectives.

I grew up, but more importantly, I grew into myself.