I Graduated College and Now Social Media is After My Eggs

Dear Facebook, please top targeting me. I’m closed for business.

Dear Facebook,

I just graduated from college, degree in hand, not yet bogged down by bills, adulting, or my peanut-sized bank account. Jubilant, I get onto your site to see my classmates’ celebratory photos in cap and gown, and instead see the following ad on my feed.

Compensation starting at $220,000! That’s like 5x my starting salary. A fleeting thought crosses my mind. Why bother going into work for my new job orientation the next week when I could quit and skate through life for the next few years living off this new found nest egg?

Nah, I’ll keep my entry level job and my eggs.

After seeing variations of these ads on your site over the next few weeks, I caved in. I was the piñata and you held the bat. I broke down and clicked on an ad.

The company wanted a candidate with the following qualifications.

• Under 30. Check.
• Academic achievement. Check.
• Attractive. My mom says I am. Check?
• Healthy: Can provide family history (death, ages, illnesses, no genetic diseases). Ok, check.
• Character: Responsible, with a gentle temperament and great personality. For the most part. Check.

Initially, your behavior was shocking but humorous. Now, it feels a little invasive, to say the least. And because I clicked on an ad that one time out of curiosity, you show me even more.

I’m still not interested. Get the hint?

I find the ads you show me angering for a couple of reasons.

1. Some ads are really incentivizing.

Are you looking for a way to pay off school? Earn up to 18K for your first donation.

Please don’t tempt me. Seeing these ads right after I check my bank account balance is like going to the grocery store on an empty stomach. I will buy the ice cream.

2. They make egg donation seem really easy.

It’s no walk in the park.

All that’s needed to provide sperm to the embryo equation is a cup, some magazines, and the privacy of a room.

The process for individuals with uteruses is much more arduous. If I’m going through cycle synchronization, hormone injections to halt ovary function, more hormone injections to stimulate egg production, and weeks of medications, blood tests, and ultrasounds, I better be getting paid thousands of dollars.

I know your algorithm show these ads to “females”, ages 20–29 who show interest in “fitness,” “family,” and “bachelor’s degree,” but as one other Facebook user commented, what, so sperm can’t stick to an uneducated egg?

These agencies and clinics are probably paying you a fortune to target me. But I’ll pay YOU to stop showing me these ads. Name a price! I‘ll just add it to my mounting pile of bills.

I’m sure there are many lovely couples and individuals searching for egg donors and many credible agencies and clinics. But I just don’t think I’m what they’re looking for.

If you were a telemarketer, I could hang up on you. If you were a classmate from high school I saw in the grocery store, I could hide behind the chip display. But how am I supposed to peacefully scroll through pictures of my cousin’s child’s first birthday party when these ads continuously pop up in my feed?

Can you please take your fancy schmancy profiling technology and whatever other magic you use and target someone else who’s actually interested?

You can show me a handbag. I’ll buy it. You can show me a vacation package. I’ll go on it. Sign me up for all the online classes. Even show me a dating website. I might join it if it means it’ll get you off my back. I will engage with any other ad you put in front of me.

Eggs though? That just feels a little intrusive.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

A young college-educated female who would like to keep her eggs (for now).