I Gave up Cigarettes in my Twenties, I Would Have Made Money When I Was Homeless in My Fifties

It’s sad what people do to themselves

I was sitting in the homeless shelter, it was my second night of being on the street. It was all new to me. I watched as the waiting area filled with men who were messed up worse than I was. In time, I would be as screwed up as they were.

It took me a minute, but I figured out what the guys were doing. One by one, they would walk through the room. “ Loose squares, loose squares.”

Cigarettes were a big deal for my neighbors

I would watch as someone would stop the guy, and buy a few cigarettes. “Squares,” are cigarettes from a factory. New Ports are popular with homeless people in Minneapolis.

“ Damn,” I thought that first night. “ I could afford to eat out at a fast food place, too bad I quit smoking.” I was being sarcastic. I hate tobacco, it killed my dad and it almost killed me.

When I was in Transitional housing, I befriended a man who made a lot of money selling hand-rolled cigarettes. I offered to be one of his runners. I paid him for some cigarettes.

I never had any customers, and that’s just as well

I never had any customers because everyone knew I didn’t smoke. He was cool, he refunded my deposit after I gave him back his smokes.

We all had different ways to cope with our bad situations. Most of the people I knew coped by behaving in a self-destructive way. I had my moments, but I never once thought about smoking or getting high.

Even with State Insurance, it was hard to stay healthy

The poor diet from eating what the shelters call food. Abusing their minds and bodies makes things so much harder for the homeless person.

A doctor asked me if I was using drugs or alcohol. At the time I had swore-off drinking. I told him that I wasn’t drinking or getting high. “ All that will do is keep me here, I want out of this life.” was my answer. I don’t regret for a minute that I didn’t start smoking again. I didn’t abuse alcohol and I never touched illicit drugs.

I never gave up hope, because I had someone who loved me

I know that having someone in my life that I looked forward to being with made all the difference. That’s the one thing that separated me from the other homeless people.

Final thought:

It’s easy to fall into despair and give up. Abusing your mind and body might offer an illusion of comfort. It will only keep you where you are, or drag you down further. Keep your head up and stay strong. You can get through it. Leave the crutches alone.