I Gave My Number to 10 Men in Real Life And 10 Men On Dating Apps
Which approach resulted in more first dates?
For the last month, I have been brazenly hitting on men like a polecat in heat.
I met Tom at Barnes & Noble. I picked up Dick while salsa dancing. I met Harry at a bar. (Yes, names are changed.) I met John at dodgeball. A mutual friend introduced me to Steve. Mike and I bonded over crappy margarita mix at a Halloween party. I met Dave and Brad through a Matchmaker service. (More on matchmaking services later…)
But my pièce de résistance was giving my number to the ridiculously hot guy who pumped my septic tank. (Yes, there is an ironic juxtaposition in that statement.)
Ten feral men caught in the wild over four weeks…
At the start of this dating experiment, I got on two dating apps — Hinge and Bumble. I also shamelessly flirted online and gave my number to ten men off the conveyor belt (I mean…dating app).
Can you guess which approach led to the most dates in one month — meeting men in person or online?
Obviously, the dating app men started with a big lead over real-life men. It takes time to meet people in real life. On a dating app, you can meet people while swiping on the toilet.
Too crass? Perhaps. But alas, I am just a pawn in this game I did not invent.
Before we get to the results, let’s cover some standard safety advice. Never give your number to a stranger until you have googled his criminal record and stalked his social media enough times to find the hidden girlfriend/wife.
But as a scientist of love, god damn it…I was willing to take a bullet for the team.
The Results
Let's start with the real-life group. Two men never asked me out. The salsa club guy was probably fifteen years too young. (Oops…I swear he looked my age.) And the septic guy might have been terrified by my insistence that the condoms he pumped out of my tank couldn't possibly be mine. (Note to future boyfriend: My fragile septic tank cannot handle condoms. Please don't.)
Out of the remaining eight men I met in person, I went on eight first dates.
Then there was the dating app group. Out of the ten I gave my number to, nine texted me. And after four weeks of exhaustive texting (sometimes daily), I went on a date with one.
That's right. Only one.
One date from breaking my thumbs texting vs. eight dates from simply living life with some added boldness (and shit-pumping).
One of the guys in the online group set a date and then canceled last minute. Two online men made disgusting sexual innuendoes that resulted in me hitting the "Block Contact" button faster than you can say "grow up." And the remaining six never asked me out but just texted endlessly. (I don't ask men out.)
Let me be clear. I invested ten times more effort in the online group. Most of the in-person meetings had little texting before the date.
I don't know why I had more luck turning in-person encounters into dates. I am only a study of one. But I have some theories…
First, everyone is more alluring and animated in person. Online you might as well be a pin-the-tail on the donkey cardboard cutout — men blindly spin around and try to nail you. Unfortunately for the romantics, many men on dating apps check the “casual” box or are using apps to cheat on their current partner. That fast food mentality is going to inevitably lead to quantity over quality.
Then there are all those choices. Online daters are bombarded with so many choices that they choose no one. And the research shows why our brains shut down if we have too many options.
Now, I know what my readers are thinking. And yes, you are correct. I am a shameless hussy. If I can flirt with a man over the smell of raw sewage, then approaching a guy at a bar is child's play.
Still, I do understand why it is terrifying to talk to strangers. But it's far easier for a woman to hit on a man than vice versa. To start, men don't fear my 5'5" 115 lb frame will have the strength to stuff them in my trunk. Second, most men are flattered by the attention, even if they are uninterested. I think that might be because no one does it anymore.
Let's change that. Because I promise you…fortune favors the bold jezebels hitting on their septic man.
(Endnote that I wish I could put in small print.)
And now I eat my words castigating dating apps. The only guy I liked was the one from a dating app. So I hope my story gives single readers hope. It doesn’t really matter where you meet someone. Your next fabulous first date could be a click or a septic pump away…
Carlyn Beccia is an award-winning author and illustrator. For more info: www.CarlynBeccia.com
