I Gave 57 Blow Jobs Today: Expanding My Horizons in Healthy Natural Dining

When you give 57 blow jobs in one day, there’s no time for paperwork.

There’s no time for introductions. You aren’t taking names. You aren’t asking about occupations. You aren’t conducting background checks. You have to be very organized and efficient.

At an average of 20 minutes each, 57 blow jobs would take approximately 19 hours.

Of course, quality also takes a hit. There’s no time for finesse and nuance, it’s just in and out you go, then it’s on to the next round. Even though it was just me giving the actual blow jobs, it was really more of a team effort. Just the planning and logistics that went into the event required well-oiled, fine-tuned teamwork.

From ticket sales, to record keepers, to line management, in the words of Hillary Clinton, it really does take a village.

You might think that blowing 57 strangers is hazardous to your health, but jism consumption is actually medically proven to be quite healthy.

Contrary to what our puritan sexphobic upbringing would want us to believe, Human semen contains a robust dose of vitamin C, vitamin B12, ascorbic acid, calcium, magnesium, zinc, potassium, and other vital nutrients.

On top of that, semen has been found to be an effective anti-depressant. Sperm consumption has been shown to elevate mood, relieve anxiety, help with insomnia and reduce acne.

Semen can be used as a facial moisturizer and reducing the appearance of wrinkles.

Much like yoghurt, sperm contains antimicrobials that can help fight off disease causing bacteria and viruses.

As health experts point out, however, the amount of semen ejaculated from one person isn’t enough for someone to realize the health benefits from this untapped source of nutrition. The average ejaculate contains 5 to 25 calories.

57 blow jobs comes out to about 850 calories. Just enough for a single meal. You may think that 19 hours of oral activity is quite a lot for a single nutritious meal, but given the aerobic activity that goes into achieving each succulent course, giving blow jobs can double as your regular exercise routine as well as be considered part of a healthy weight loss regimen.

There’s even a cookbook with sperm-based recipes for those who consider themselves connoisseurs of the cuisine.

The book is Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen based Recipes by Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer.

As the author says, “it puts to use good food which would otherwise go to waste.” The book is available on Kindle and Amazon and wherever fine books are sold.

Sperm-based dishes can be added to any paleo-diet to add some variety while still maintaining the paleo theme.

If you are looking to spice up your sex life or add some zest into your boring dietary regimen, consider sperm as an alternative food source.

Perhaps one day in the distant future this currently underused source of nutrition will find its way into the mainstream and into our meals as a regular part of a healthy diet.

As for me, I think I may try an alternative route of gathering this novel source of nutrition the next time I crave a healthy and filling dose of sperm. Despite not contracting any STDs at the time of this writing, I plan on spending the day in bed recovering from a nasty case of lockjaw.

I would spend a day or two performing some jaw stretching exercises before attempting adventuring into this alternative culinary experience again.