I Gained My First Internet Troll

Here’s how growing up with a bully prepared me.

After years of producing original online content, my time has come. I’ve gained my first internet troll. Also known as haters, bullies, envious spectators, these types of individuals have been around since the beginning of humanity.

During my formative years, social media and online bullying hadn’t reached the heights they’re at today. I was lucky and unlucky. If I signed off a platform or delete an account altogether, I could presumably rid myself of any online adversarial confrontation.

However, the bullies I encountered during my childhood were all live and in person. Often in my personal space, daring me to flinch or side-eye them to warrant a physical attack.

I learned some of my most lasting life lessons at the behest of my stepfather. He was the ultimate test and opposition for the first eighteen years of my life.

Although an anxiety-inducing experience, I developed skills most people don’t gain until much later in life, if at all. I learned to hide my hand, analyze the game rules, read body language, and not internalize negativity thrust upon me by others.

Hindsight is powerful, and I rely on it. I didn’t see the value of my stepdad’s critical and often negative interactions during my upbringing. That’s not to say we get together now and then to share a drink and laugh about the good old days; we don’t.

The time and space away from my bully made it possible to reflect and forcibly pull value from a difficult period in my life.

My first internet troll now allows me to share some tips I’ve implemented in dealing with online negativity and attempted trolling.

Here are four tips to help you keep internet trolls at a distance:

1. Value the reaction

When I noticed an individual had taken the time to go through several of my videos and leaves abusive messages behind in the comments below the video, I admit I had a few varying reactions.

At first, I laughed because my troll had written about five paragraphs under one video. I’d inspired this viewer to write an essay; it tickled me. I was also out and about running errands and didn’t have time to dwell on the comment, so I pocketed my phone and told myself I’d get to it later.

When later came, this same user had blown up my notifications with more lengthy comments on several of my other videos. This time my reaction was one of concern for this individual’s mental well-being.

This viewer was aggressive in his pursuit of my attention. He will sit through a lot of content and respond to all of it to poke at me.

I felt a little frustrated, but I knew my next move mattered most. Bullies thrive off reactions. They work so hard for it. They need it to feel validated for their efforts.

My stepdad upset me or anyone else he directed his energy towards he thrived. Witnessing the high he got from altering someone’s good mood to a sour mood was a mind-boggling experience. He’d be downright giddy whenever he got the best of someone.

Tempering my initial anger and remaining even-keeled whenever my stepdad attempted to get a rise out of me became one of my best defenses in dealing with him. I made his pessimistic efforts futile by not giving him the reaction he wanted.

I gave my internet troll a healthy helping of nothing as well; no response. Rewarding disrespectful comments with a reply would reinforce and reward inappropriate behavior. I don’t tolerate disrespect in real life, no reason to make exceptions for the internet.

2. It’s not about you

I know how easy it is to internalize others’ criticism and believe there must be some value in the negative things said about you. Bully’s strive to transfer their negative feelings about themselves onto others.

My troll’s comments, although rude and hyper-critical, revealed more about him than they did me. I read anger, frustration, and jealousy in his words left under my videos.

Perhaps, they too, are a content creative struggling to get views on their channel. Maybe this person was disappointed with his work and lashed out to make himself feel better, or he wanted to transfer the negative feelings he has about himself onto someone else.

My ability to step back from the situation and evaluate it with emotional distance isn’t some innate skill I possess. No, this is the product of significant time under tension and having many reference points to study after the fact.

For years, I had someone in my ear telling me all the things I wasn’t capable of achieving. My gender, economic standings, and demeanor were reasons I couldn’t reach my goals.

Like most teenagers, I had a rebellious streak. My defiant acts weren’t breaking curfew, sneaking boys into the house, or taking the car out joyriding. No, my middle fingers to my stepdad were acts of excellence.

Be it sports or academia, whatever I signed up for; I set out to dominate and perform at the highest level I could. Fighting back with words was not an option for me because the threat of physical retaliation was real in my world.

My actions became my response to the verbal abuse I received. I made it impossible to tell myself I wasn’t good enough because I showed I was more than capable of achieving anything I made a priority.

Clarity came to me years after I moved out of my parents’ house. The mental limitations my stepdad attempted to place on me were the limitations he’d either placed on himself or allowed others to put on him.

The troll in my comments is undoubtedly working through some intense bitterness, but I doubt I’m the source of his inner turmoil. While I understand and sympathize with this possibility being the case, I’m no one’s punching bag.

To respond to his comments by shrinking into myself and dimming my light would give him an unjust victory. The competitor within me wouldn’t allow such a defeat.

3. Understand the game

Over time, the more I achieved, the angrier my stepdad became, and the less I reacted to his digs, the more his frustrations grew. I was making him a liar and an obvious one at that. My small wins were adding up, and the game was becoming clearer to me. So much so, I believed I could win.

It’s simple to go off on someone online. There’s no immediate response. The risk of a verbal or physical altercation doesn’t exist. Everyone’s a tough guy at a keyboard, and why shouldn’t they be?

The rules online differ from in real life. Some people act as though anything goes, and the laws of human decency don’t apply.

Like you, I’ve read hateful comments on Twitter, seen famous individuals buckle under the pressure of online scrutiny, and watched influential societal figures embolden masses with hate speech on social media.

Etiquette is nonexistent online, making troll culture par for the course in today’s society. To engage in this world is to do so, knowing there’s a chance you’ll encounter negativity at some point.

How you respond to trolling matters, more so for mental health and clarity than outside perception.

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” — Mark Twain.

It’s challenging to appear graceful and intelligent, arguing with trolls online. You run a high risk of looking just as crazy if not crazier coming back at them to outsiders.

If you’ve tuned in to any online war of words, you know, been confused or torn between who’s right and who’s wrong. If you’re like me, you’ve wondered why no one uses spell check? And what’s with making up acronyms on a whim out of nowhere?

Trolling is weak. It’s the lowest form of criticism I’ve ever witnessed. If anyone can do it, where’s the merit?

Confronting your opposition in person and speaking to them with the same nasty energy and enthusiasm you’d display online is tough. Looking someone in the eye and criticizing their choices, appearance, and ability takes a lot of nerve.

Most people don’t have this type of spirit or the skills needed to deal with these interactions’ fallout. Why not? Because the rules of the game are different in real life.

Cyberbullying Statistics, Facts, and Trends (2021) with Charts, shares “According to Statista research, 38% of online trolls target people on social media, while 23% prefer trolling people on YouTube and other video-sharing platforms.”

Although I’d managed to go quite a long time without dealing with online trolls, I’ve found this initiation phase has been enlightening. It’s allowed me to reflect on past hurdles I’ve already overcome, and it’s solidified my resolve to continue on my path.

2020 has proven life is too short to allow people to hijack your time, attention, and energy. All of those things must be earned and valued.

It’s like The Honey Comb sang, “One Monkey Don’t Stop No Show.”