avatarAlex Brault

Summary

The article discusses the author's unconventional hygiene practice of using a "Washblade," a bar of soap embedded with a razor blade, as a means to maintain masculinity and vigilance in the face of societal norms that are perceived as feminizing.

Abstract

In an era where grooming is often associated with gentleness and self-care, the author presents a stark contrast by advocating for the use of a "Washblade"—a bar of soap with an embedded razor blade. This practice is described as a daily battle, a ritual that transforms the act of cleaning into a test of courage and resilience. The author argues that this dangerous method of washing up is a way to reclaim traditional notions of masculinity, which are being eroded by modern hygiene products. By embracing the risk of injury, Washbladers, as they are called, are said to honor their ancestors and prepare for potential threats, even in the sanctuary of their bathrooms. The article posits that this approach to personal hygiene is not only a form of self-defense but also a philosophical stance against the perceived softness of contemporary society. The Washblade is seen as a symbol of efficiency and practicality, combining grooming with the ability to defend oneself, thus adhering to the principle of simplicity known as Ockham's razor.

Opinions

  • The author believes that modern hygiene practices are feminizing and that using a Washblade is a way to resist this trend.
  • There is a strong emphasis on the philosophical and psychological aspects of using a Washblade, equating the daily washing ritual with a hero's journey and a battle against one

I Fight The Feminizing Influence Of Hygiene By Washing With A Bladed Bar Of Soap

Image by rioja83 from Pixabay

In a world of almond oil and facial cleansers, turning the frilly practice of hygiene into a dance with death is the only way to reclaim your manhood. Is it dangerous to keep a sharp object directly embedded into a slippery one? Absolutely, but those who mock practitioners of the Washblade fail to realize we embrace that danger. This is, a firm embrace, like a handshake, not some soft hug.

We Washbladers begin each day as man was meant to: in a state of war against our own bodies. Getting clean while also hoping to avoid injuring oneself is the ultimate embodiment of the duality of man. In the shower we face death, and act as both our redeemer and destroyer. This is the philosophical space we occupy before our day even begins. While the rest of you are waiting for your conditioner to set in we’re winning a battle of wills against ourselves. When Washbladers come together to share war stories of accidentally cutting ourselves while trying to grip onto our soap, were not looking for approval or validation, we’re upholding sacred values. I know I can trust these men to watch my scar covered back.

For those of us among the brotherhood of steel and suds, keeping a knife nestled within our soap is a way honoring our forebears. Nakedness has always been fundamentally unsafe. it is the state of prey. A true Washblader knows that relaxation is a lie. Letting your guard down, even for a moment, is an invitation to weakness. Every time my drain coagulates with the blood I draw while cleaning myself, I’m carrying on the forgotten tradition of the warrior.

If this makes no sense, then let me help you understand something here, hygiene is not a safe space. Cleaning yourself isn’t self care its survival. There’s a reason our ancestors bathed in frigid waters, the cold raised their testosterone and awareness . Adding a potentially fatal a element of risk into this coddled ecosystem restores that balance. That’s just biology, and you can’t argue with science.

There are practical reasons a free thinking individual might choose to run a bladed bar of soap across their bodies. For one, it’s an essential tool for self defense. If an intruder were to attack me in my private residence he would almost certainly strike when I am at my most vulnerable. By keeping a blade besides my person at all times, including the shower, I strip him of element of surprise. A component which is a crucial factor in single combat within a foggy enclosed space.

Second, it’s actually a very functional and time saving practice. As the bar dissolves, the exposed blade becomes a potentially deadly reminder to only use as much as necessary. If you wish to shave while washing up, wielding a washblade saves you from needlessly giving money to a politically correct razor company that shall not be named. Eliminating two obligations by combining them into a single act is simply logical. This is a well documented philosophical concept, there is a reason that we refer to the simplest solution as Ockham’s razor.

Walking the path of the blade isn’t an easy choice. There are times where I’m even reluctant to shower out of concern that I may accidentally cut myself again. Yet each and every morning, and sometimes at night, I embark on the heroes journey of overcoming that fear. When you clean yourself with a washblade, you aren’t just washing away dirt and grime, you’re washing away failure. Every mark of mutilation I earn is a reminder that while others are getting soft and lathered, I’m preserving my manly essence… And If that is considered toxic, then may I remain forever unclean.

Humor
Satire
Masculinity
Hygiene
Marketing
Recommended from ReadMedium