I Don’t Pay My Kids to Do Chores (And Why I Never Will)

Each family is different, but in our household, chores are part and parcel of being a member of a cohesive unit.

Allowance is a hot topic in parenting groups in the United States. There are apps for it, some featuring investment profiles for your children, teaching them the value of saving their money, rather than it burning a hole in their virtual pocket. It seems it is a middle class thing to pay kids for chores and expectations such as babysitting siblings. In poorer families, if another child needs watching, you just do it without the expectation of being paid.

Paying children for various tasks runs the gamut from simple household tasks to literal nickel and diming for getting ready in the morning.

My grandfather believed in chores. Chores differ from jobs. From an early age, I learned this distinction and am passing it down to my children. There are certain tasks you must accomplish in order for a household to run smoothly. These are chores. Mostly, no one will compensate you for these duties in the real world, therefore, there should be no expectation to be in your home.

You’re part of a family, a cohesive unit, and it’s your duty as part of that unit to help it run as smoothly as possible.

Jobs are assignments that may not be part of the daily care and maintenance of the household. My grandfather loved gardening but despised weeding. Weeding was a job, so he compensated accordingly. Jobs are a one-off.

Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money believes kids should do chores. He writes, “for the same reason we do — because the chores need to be done, and not with the expectation of compensation … Allowance ought to stand on its own, not as a wage but as a teaching tool.”

The way chores work in many households worldwide points to another way, in which kids get involved earlier, feel better about their contributions, and don’t need money as an enticement. Our household follows this non-American way, and it works for us.

The rest of the world

Around 18 months old, children naturally begin wanting to help. They may be inept, but they try hard. In the beginning, the chores may be small, but they don’t expect any compensation. If you allow them to help, they will continue to do so and learn as they grow. Whatever they’re allowed to do will become theirs, and they’ll do their group of chores without being asked.

In America, especially, we discourage the help of our young children. We wait until they are napping or not home to complete meal prep, cleaning house, and other chores where they would naturally want to help and make them feel as if they are a burden when they try.

When they reach the age of six or seven, and we decide they are old enough to do chores, the desire to help has passed. We have told them their entire lives they are in the way and doing it wrong. Why would they want to help now, without some form of compensation?

Final Word

Each child and family unit is different and comes with varying expectations and trials. No one way is right or perfect. We have to decide what works best in our household and for our parenting style. Consistency is important no matter what you do with your children. Teach them well and they’ll grow into happy and healthy members of society.

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