I Don’t Have Many Friends

And that’s how I like it.

There are probably six people in the world who know me well.

They know my dreams, my flaws and my insecurities. People I look forward to chatting with. A rare breed.

Others have come and gone, drifting in and out, never to be seen again. And that’s okay. I enjoy the memories.

Here’s the kicker, though: If I had a choice between a party or a quiet night in, I’d choose the latter nine times out of ten.

That’s not to say I’m a recluse. Ironically, I enjoy parties. I enjoy meeting new people. It’s one of the reasons I started my podcast. It’s just I wouldn’t choose the party.

I enjoy my own company too much.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” — Wayne Dyer

Sometimes I find myself thinking, “I wish I had more friends.”

But then I think why? Why do I think this? Do I actually want that or am I just trying to fit in?

It’s in these moments of doubt I remind myself I’m happy with my close circle. Here’s why.

#1: Depending on others for happiness is a flawed strategy

I’ve made the mistake of putting my happiness into the hands of others before.

I remember being totally smitten with this one girl. I was 16, and if she texted, it made my night. When she couldn’t, I hopelessly stared at my phone, waiting for it to ping. I couldn’t focus on anything else.

Not being responsible for our own happiness never ends well. Resentment builds, people are put on pedestals, and ultimately, they can’t meet expectations. We’ve got to be responsible for our own happiness.

“Did you expect any better? Expect the worse, you’re dealing with selfish people. You’re the idiot — you glorified her, didn’t you? You thought she was a princess, you thought people were nice. They’re not… You want happiness? You want freedom? Here it is: Drop your false ideas. See through people. If you see through yourself, you will see through everyone. Then you will love them.” — Anthony de Mello

I really enjoy the company of others. I do. It’s just I equally enjoy being alone.

I liken it to a symphony. A melody plays throughout my life, and when someone else joins in, the melody mutates. A few notes are added. That’s all. When they leave, the symphony keeps on playing.

#2: Trying to remember everything is hard

Scrap that; it’s impossible.

My brain can only hold so many details. Even then, the only way I remember birthdays is by writing them on Excel. Prioritising the most significant people in our lives is the only way forward.

I love sending cards to friends. I even send the occasional letter. Small gestures like this go a long way to showing how much you care.

They feel valued. They’re seen by you. In brings you closer.

Which leads me to my final point.

#3: Going deeper is more satisfying

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve hung out with people and thought, “I want to go home.”

Talking about weekend plans, about getting smashed at the pub and other stuff I don’t care about? Not for me. Let’s go deep. What are your fears? Your dreams? Your future plans?

That’s where the magic happens.

Takeaways

As a writer, I feel a responsibility to share my experiences. Having few friends works for me. It goes without saying, however, we’re all different.

You do you.

What I would say is if feel bad you haven’t got many friends, don’t. From my experience, those with ‘the fewest’ are the most fulfilled people I know. They get to spend more time with the people they love. They get to know the inner-most details. They feel connected.

Ultimately, I like to remind myself of something Rockefeller once said:

“I’d rather have 4 quarters than a 100 nickels.” — Rockefeller

Always quality over quantity.