Summary

The author, a non-drinker, pretended to be drunk to explore how people's behavior changes towards someone perceived as intoxicated, revealing surprising and disappointing social dynamics in Scotland's alcohol-centric culture.

Abstract

The article recounts the author's personal experience with alcohol and the societal pressure to drink in Scotland. Despite a significant portion of the population drinking infrequently or not at all, the author describes how non-drinkers are often coerced into consuming alcohol or face judgment. To navigate this peer pressure, the author adopted the guise of being drunk, which led to a mix of reactions from friends and acquaintances. Some found the act amusing and engaging, while others spread false rumors or showed genuine concern. The experiment also highlighted a dichotomy in attitudes towards drinkers versus non-drinkers, with the latter being subjected to various forms of social ostracism. The author concludes that pretending to be drunk provided valuable insights into human behavior but does not endorse actual intoxication due to the observed negative consequences.

Opinions

The author suggests that in Scotland, there is a strong cultural expectation to drink alcohol, and not adhering to this norm can lead to social exclusion or ridicule.
People may be more accepting and find a non-drinker pretending to be drunk more entertaining than an actually intoxicated person.
Some individuals may take advantage of a person's perceived drunkenness to lie about their behavior or to exploit them in other ways.
There is a protective instinct in some people towards those who appear drunk, which the author interprets as a sign of genuine care.
Conversely, some individuals may use the opportunity to mock or take advantage of someone they believe is drunk, such as by falsely accusing them of not contributing to a group fund.
The author believes that pretending to be drunk can be an insightful social experiment, but the experience has reinforced their decision to abstain from alcohol.

I Don’t Drink — So I Pretended To Be Drunk To See How People Treated Me

It was surprising and disappointing

Photo by Alexander Naglestad on Unsplash

I’m not a drinker. I’d like to be sometimes, but it’s just not for me. I first tried alcohol when I was 13. My uncle gave me half a glass of wine and a shandy at Hogmanay and I had the worst hangover the following day on that small amount of alcohol. It put me off until I was 16 and decided to spike a chocolate fondue with rum. It also didn’t go well for me. Let’s not even discuss the half glass of wine I had when I was turning 21 and ended up ruining my birthday with a day of nausea.

So, I will likely never know what it’s like to be blind drunk. I used to take sips of a drink throughout an evening to be sociable but I couldn’t enjoy alcohol. I now break out in a rash and start wheezing whenever I try.

However, in Scotland alcohol feels like an everyday part of life. If you don’t drink socially, there’s something wrong with you. Are you pregnant? Are you on antibiotics? Are you an alcoholic? You can’t possibly just be… not a drinker?!

Despite 36% of people in Scotland claiming to drink less than once a month or not at all, people here still try to force it on you. You ask for a soft drink and they put booze in it for you, because you must have made a mistake not wanting any vodka. You’re scoffed at, criticised, judged and made to feel like a fun-sponge. It’s cruel and unfair, but that’s Scottish culture for ya. They hate drunks but you must drink. Which got me thinking, how differently would people treat me if I was a drinker?

When I was a teenager, I used to pretend I was drunk so that people wouldn’t force me to drink. After all, they’re not going to force wine on someone who is already drunk. They don’t want you to get alcohol poisoning. It was an excellent way to get out of that peer pressure. I must have been convincing as well, because nobody ever questioned me.

So, here are five things that happen when you’re a non-drinker who pretends to be drunk.

People find you so much more fun than an actual drunk

I’m not sure why but people find non-drinkers being drunk really hilarious. If I see a drunk person in a bar, I tend to steer clear of them. But when you’re a non-drinker who is pretending you’re sozzled, everyone flocks around you. You’re suddenly the fun girl. Everything you do is amazingly hilarious. You’re the life and soul of the party, even if all you’re doing is sitting there smiling at someone. They imagine that you’re suddenly the most interesting person in the room. People who are regular drinkers though? Meh, they’re the same old, same old.

Some people tell lies about you

“You were walking round a fountain in circles.” That’s one gem that a woman I worked with came up with when I returned to work on the Monday after a Friday night of sipping lemonade and pretending to have gotten drunk before I showed up. I did no such thing.

“She was so drunk that she was rolling around on the floor of the toilets.” A distant relative who saw me in a bar and tried to force me to drink with her, so I pretended to be drunk to get out of it. She spread that rumour round the whole family — and they believed her!

You see, when you’re drunk I assume that your memory gets hazy. I wouldn’t know but I’ve heard this. So, people think they can say any old shit about you and you’ll write off the fact that you don’t remember to being drunk. But I wasn’t and I remember every single thing.

Makes you wonder what people who are actually drinking are getting blamed for that isn’t their fault.

Some people will look after you

You suddenly need taken care of. You’re not an adult with autonomy any more. You need to be watched, in case you hurt yourself. If you pretend to be drunk and you notice people doing this, protect THOSE people at all costs. They really do care.

Some people will not look after you

They’ll get their cameras out and wait for you to do something stupid. Ditch those people. Some will have a half-hearted attempt at seduction. Keep them at a distance when you’re not pretending to be drunk any more.

I was on a work’s night out and someone told me I owed money to the kitty when I was fake-drunk. Apparently I hadn’t put my money in, even though I did and she crossed my name off.

You can never use the “I’m not a drinker” excuse again

Sadly, you can never use that excuse again. You actually end up making the problem worse for yourself because you have lied and said that you were drunk, so your lifetime of being straight-edge is seen as a sham.

Overall though, I highly recommend being fake drunk to anyone and everyone. It’s insightful, seeing how people change towards you and observing their reactions to you when you’re completely sober. I do not recommend actually getting drunk though, because after seeing the negative reactions to being a fake drunk, it’s not a position I want to put myself in for real.