I Do This Everyday To Boost My Confidence

Here’s a simple idea that addresses a problem 99% of us face.

It comes from a book I read over a year ago. Most books I read are easily forgotten, but this book’s main idea is so powerful and helpful that it has affected what I do every night before I go to bed.

It is having a huge impact on the joy and confidence I feel.

The book is The Gap & the Gain by Benjamin Hardy & Dan Sullivan.

And their brilliant insight is this…

We have a strong tendency to constantly focus on the GAP between where we are and where we want to be. And this makes us miserable (or at least less than happy).

*Look in a mirror and without any effort you’ll start to think about how you want your body to be different.

*Look at your bank balance and you’ll wish you spent less/had more money/had less debt.

*Look at your kids and you’ll think if only they ate better, slept more, sulked less, worked harder at school.

*Look at your career and you’ll soon be yearning for less hours/more interesting work/different boss.

Without any effort we instinctively focus on the GAP between our current life and our reality.

And this makes us miserable.

This happens even when things are going well. When we achieve a goal or get something we want, it doesn’t take long before we want reach the next horizon. You complete a dream project or run that marathon or learn a new skill. How does the feeling of achievement last before you are onto the next project, running challenge or improving your skill? Not long at all.

And despite achieving what we set out to do — we quickly end up in the GAP again. And that makes us miserable.

We never seem to actually arrive.

A great idea to rescue us

So here’s Hardy & Sullivan’s great idea to rescue us.

We shouldn’t measure ourselves against our ideal.

We should measure ourselves against our progress.

Because when you do this it changes everything.

What would happen if when you thought about your money — you focused on the time you resisted an impulse buy, or thought about how you earn more money now than you used to. And what if for a moment you simply enjoyed that sense of progress.

What would happen if when you thought about your kids you looked at what they had done well and were grateful for the things they had done right. And if you just revelled in that sense of achievement as a parent.

What would happen if you are late for the cinema and instead of being stressed and anxious because you missed the start of the film, you instead thought how great it is you get a night out.

Can you see that by focusing on the GAIN, on what has gone well, on where you have made progress, how this will bring you a sense of joy and contentment?

Doesn’t this stop our drive to succeed?

One concern I had about this whole approach was that I might lose my drive. I wondered if I focused too much on enjoying my progress would that cause me to achieve less? If I am happy where I am then surely I’ll no longer push myself towards new horizons. Right?

Wrong.

Surprisingly the opposite is true.

By identifying your GAINS, by celebrating your growth and remembering your achievements, the following will happen. Your energy will go up and your confidence will soar, and you’ll find yourself with loads of momentum carrying you towards new goals and new dreams.

The difference is that you won’t be driven by a sense of inadequacy or need to achieve. Instead it will be an overflow of your confidence and energy caused by your progress to date. And this makes such a huge difference.

How to do this in practice

This can sound great in theory but without a concrete way to do this regularly you won’t be able to maintain this approach.

What works for me is this.

I keep a notebook by my bed and every night I record at least three wins from the day. Three ways I have made progress towards my dreams. This can be task focused but it is important to focus on character qualities as well. The gentle word I offered to a colleague, the moment I stopped to appreciate the sunrise or the meal I enjoyed. I aim for three but often write more.

It is only through regular practice that will you become a little less miserable. How could you do this?

I’ve previously written about the power of a weekly review and you could incorporate a question on your gains in your review or include it as part of your conversation during your evening meal. It doesn’t matter which way you choose, just find a way to regularly reorientate your attention to your gains.

And it is gradual, but from my daily practice I am slowly sensing a shift from focusing on the GAP to seeing a more of the GAIN. And this is bringing a little more joy and contentment to my life.

How can you find a way to shift your focus from your GAPs to your GAINs?

Your happiness as a person is dependent on what you measure yourself against.

Benjamin Hardy

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