I Ditched the Party-Girl Life and Healed my Relationship with Myself

Summary

A woman shares her journey of personal transformation from a party-girl lifestyle to one focused on holistic healing and self-discovery.

Abstract

The author recounts her six-year healing journey, which began with the realization that her party-girl lifestyle was no longer fulfilling. She turned to holistic nutrition, which led to significant life changes, including the end of her marriage and a newfound connection with her inner child. The process involved intense emotional work, including dealing with past traumas and learning to understand and sit with her emotions. Despite the challenges, she found the healing process to be rewarding, leading to a sense of wholeness, higher vibrational frequencies, and a life lived with purpose and meaningful connections.

Opinions

The author initially used alcohol as a means of numbing herself from a young age.
She believes that healing is not just about feeling better but also about growing and evolving beyond previous limitations.
The concept of an "inner child" was initially foreign but became a crucial part of her healing process.
Emotional outbursts and triggers were seen as necessary steps in the healing journey, signaling the need for further self-work.
The author values the importance of understanding one's emotions and sitting with them, even when it's uncomfortable.
She experienced a significant transformation in her life, including changes in her relationships and her approach to substance use.
The author emphasizes that healing is a challenging but ultimately rewarding process that can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

When you heal, you can be the ripple effect for others

I'm in my sixth year of healing, and I finally can say I'm at a level where I can feel my wounds are healing. I hated the journey so much at times, nagging at me but inspiring me at the same time. The up and down roller coaster, the tears that would flow consistently throughout the months, became my new normal.

I'm pretty sure I started numbing myself at the age of fourteen when I got introduced to alcohol. I spent the weekends drinking while I was in high school. It sped up when I moved to the city for college. I was a functioning party girl spending almost every night partying through my twenties. Alcohol was consistently in my life until thirty-five when an awareness started to bloom inside me that I had enough of feeling shitty.

The shittiness was a by-product of being a functional party girl, throwing parties as an outlet, working my job, taking care of my beautiful children. I would go through waves of feeling good and feeling inadequate, spending a lot of time in front of the T.V bingeing shows while I laid on the couch in my free time. I was sleeping in, taking naps through the day and staying up late.

Something switched in my mind. I remember thinking there has to be more than this. Even though I always had a spiritual connection to the divine, I didn't understand it, and I wasn't into religion, but something inside me wanted to change. I wanted something more.

I went back to school taking a course in holistic nutrition. I felt called to it, which helped me stop partying as much. This healing resulted in me leaving my marriage, which was one of the most challenging decisions I've ever had to make. I couldn't take my husband with me because we lost the connection, and I was growing at an exceptional rate.

I was beginning a new journey down a road that I wasn't even sure where it was going, but I could feel inside of me that I would get the results that I was looking for.

Healing is fucking hard. I often wanted to go back in time and forget I had these feelings of something more, wanting to know myself. I would scream and have complete meltdowns in my driveway while in my car with confusion that would consume me as I wondered if there was any point. Some days were smooth sailing, and some felt like I was in a tornado waiting to spit out across the country.

I kept doing the work, the inner work. I would read articles about inner work and soothing your inner child and think, what the hell is this? Inner child? What child? But believe it or not, it's a real thing. I now call mine little Jenn.

Little Jenn is mischievous and cute. She likes to play, and I let her, now that I know her again. Healing your inner child is soothing and is part of the healing process. I thought it was ridiculous at first.

Understanding your emotions and sitting with them is another healing tool. I cried for 18 months when my journey first started. I counted; it was as if I was making up for all the times I wouldn't cry while stuffing my emotions inside me.

Tantrums were another emotion that scared me when it was happening. I feel this was little Jenn trying to figure out what was going on inside her, as she would release her past traumas. My emotions would spill out because they surfaced so much that I couldn't keep them contained, which got me fired from a previous job. If you don't take the time to heal, the universe will do it for you.

Triggers and mirrors were the worst of the healing process for me. They can come up anywhere and through people. I would get triggered sitting down with co-workers after work by something someone said and casually leaving while having a complete meltdown in my car sobbing. At first, I didn't understand it but began to understand this was my past every time I got triggered, letting me know that I have more work to do.

My mirrors would show up, too, through other people. Challenging me, taunting that's how I felt, pissed me off, but I continued to do the work, and each time, I would gain more clarity and understanding about who I was.

In my sixth year, I feel I'm almost to wholeness. Wholeness is when you feel harmonious within yourself, equilibrium a sense of balance. You don't have broken parts about you anymore. Sure, triggers can still happen, but you have a better understanding of them. It's as if you ultimately connect to source energy, and your vibrations are at a higher frequency.

You attract more meaningful connections, and you don't rely on substances. You might not even enjoy them anymore. You live your life with purpose and meaning—you're more present with the moment and less stressed about things that used to matter.

You feel good, and when you feel bad, it's only for a short time until you can understand the trigger or the lesson. Love, joy, clarity and gratitude are the higher frequencies. This higher vibration's consistency helped me pave my path to my soul's purpose and brought my natural talents to the surface. Healing has finally become my new way of life, and I love the results.