I Distance Myself From My Thoughts and You Should Too

Here’s why

I don’t know what to do.

Many times, I am absolutely clueless on how to move forward in my life.

Somehow, I came across a trick that makes this easier. I learned how to distance myself from my thoughts and get a clear picture on what to do next.

Solomon’s Paradox

You ever think what a friend is doing is stupid? I do sometimes, and it drives me crazy the way they behave. The solution is obvious to me, what they need to do is clear. Yet they do the exact opposite. Little did I know, I behave the same way as my friends.

It’s always obvious to us what other people need to do. But, for us it’s different. To us, our problems seem unique. Our problems aren’t the same as others and it needs a special solution.

Does this sound stupid? Of course it does.

This idea even has a name, called “Solomon’s Paradox”. Solomon’s Paradox is the notion that we can reason effectively about other people’s problems rather than our own.

Why can we reason effectively about our friend’s problems and not our own?

It’s because we are not part of their problem.

We have a sense of objectivity with the problem, and can see pitfalls and delusions easier than our friends can. Our friends have emotional ties to the problem, which can distort the appearance of the solution.

What cognitive science says

Cognitive science also has a term for this, it’s called cognitive distancing and it’s vital in order to make effective decisions.

Cognitive distancing is the idea that we should distance ourselves from our thoughts in order to get a clear understanding of the situation. This stops us from exaggerating certain details of the problem, making it seem larger than it actually is.

A method to distance yourself from the problem is to refer to yourself in third person. “What can ‘Dhruv’ do in order to move forward with his goals”. This allows us to partially remove ourselves from the problem and pretend we are advising a different person.

What we can do to make better decisions

Whenever you have a problem, pretend that you don’t have the problem, but your friend does instead. What would you tell them? How would you tell them to move forward? What pitfalls do you see? If you find yourself objecting to the solutions presented, pretend that it’s not you who is objecting, but again a friend. Would you think you friend is avoiding the solution, or has he made a point?

Take any problem you have right now, and try to see how you’d advise a friend about it. It takes practice to distance ourselves from our thoughts. This practice comes in handy when we are faced with larger problems, the ones that feels like a punch to the teeth. Using this technique for the smaller ones helps us prepare for the bigger problems to come.

Conclusion

By pretending your advising a friend, it’s easier to deal with problems that crop up in our lives. We maintain a sense of objectivity and stop ourselves from being irrational. Oftentimes, we know what we need to do, but still won’t do it. This is why we need to pretend. By constantly practising distancing ourselves from our thoughts, we can reason more effectively and make better decisions. We can catch ourselves when we get off track. We can start doing the things we know we should, but are too emotional to try.