I Did This Man a Favor for Almost 30 Years

And then he refused to pay me back

I paid my way through college so I learned to be pretty good with a buck. There was a friend of mine who totally wasn’t. He was a really nice guy, but he couldn’t manage the money his parents sent him each month.

“It’s okay,” I would say. “I’ll pay for your drinks.”

He was the nicest guy in the whole world so I didn’t feel taken advantage of.

Plus, I’m a giver and it was college.

Everyone was broke.

Kind of ironic that the girl being raised by a single mother was usually the one who had money. But I had grown up with a lot of responsibility so it made sense.

Anyway…

Stay with me because this story gets a little complicated.

A few years out of college he needed ANOTHER favor.

I mean who was I to say no? Like I said, giving came naturally to me and everything about finances came hard to him. He couldn’t seem to solve his own problems.

What’s that adage?

“We should help others with what comes easiest to us, but is hard for them.”

Okay, it’s not a real expression.

But it is a thing. A real thing. When something is effortless why shouldn’t we do it for someone? He was as burdened and confused by finances and business as I was energized by it.

So I started helping him solve a bunch of his business dilemmas.

And, I made him a sh*t ton of money doing so.

I found him an awesome office space for a quarter of what the going rate was. I told him to lease a copier for $80 a month and saved him about $250 a month on most of his printing bills.

This was in the days before most small businesses had computers.

I told him to lease a computer, and it shaved two to three hours off of his day in typing efficiency. No one had cell phones then either, but they had just introduced car phones.

You got it.

I had him lease one and he no longer had to go back to the office for hours.

He returned his calls from the road.

I found him a new secretary when I was getting burned out helping him so much. By then, business was going crazy. Like cuckoo, out of this world, can’t keep up with it, doubling and tripling the numbers.

I loved doing him favors.

It was rewarding to optimize his business and increase his income. Ultimately, I agreed to do the payroll because he was paying everything late. He was getting phone calls and accruing fees.

It was no big deal.

But looking back, he never even said thank you.

Not once.

That was probably an indicator that he was never going to pay me back for this massive favor I had done him. I had socially paid his way through college and then after had continued the financial favor.

Ugh.

Silly girl.

Taker boy.

But I thought one day it would even out.

I thought he would pay me back. Somehow. Any…how. Any…way. I thought ultimately, as he got his act together he would reciprocate.

But that’s not why givers give.

Givers give because it’s intrinsically rewarding.

So I forged ahead.

I mean, it was a lifelong friendship.

You kind of take the good with the bad. And I’m super loyal. And I’m kind of an excuse gal.

Like, “I know he can be selfish but he’s got a good heart.” Or “I know he asks a lot of me but he’s really got a lot on his plate.” Or “I know he can be difficult and thoughtless but he’s self-employed.”

You get the idea.

If I love you, I got you.

I had his back.

And then all of a sudden, I got fed up.

At least it seemed all of a sudden. I now had children and a lot of family demands. I couldn’t be the selfless friend I had always been. I started to say no.

I even began to distance myself.

And then the sh*t really hit the fan.

I ended our friendship and I wanted him to pay me back for my favors.

He refused.

Can you believe it?

That arrogant a*shole said he didn’t owe me anything. He said I hadn’t helped him at all. He said I barely did anything. He said I had been in the office with a little bit of paperwork.

He said he had done everything on his own.

So I shouldn’t be paid a dime for any of my investment in him.

I tried to raise a stink.

I called him every name in the book. I told him he was the worst kind of guy. Not only accepting countless favors, but taking advantage of a woman. And then lying about it.

But he still arrogantly fancied himself a success.

He didn’t care.

Not even that it was costing our friendship.

I wanted to throw all the Genesee beers I had bought him in his face.

Even if they were 30 years old at this point.

Just one piping cold brewski splashed over his self-serving, selfish, inflated, overrated, arrogant, spoiled, immature, delusional head.

Did I leave out any evil adjectives?

Oh wait, I can add a few more fitting descriptors.

This needy, stingy, egotistic manipulator hadn’t been my friend at all.

I did this man a favor for almost 30 years.

And that bastard (found another word) wouldn’t pay me back.

Ugh. That’s what happens…

When you marry a guy who lets you buy his beer.