I Did Not Get The Job I Really Wanted…
…and that is perfectly fine
After more than three months of preparing and interviews, the constant guilt pushing me to study more and perfect my elevator speech, I finally finished the Amazon interview process feeling pretty good about myself.
The title is a bit of a spoiler — Last night I was informed that they offered the role to another candidate. But, I am happy about it.
Over the past eight years, I have discovered a philosophy that works perfectly with who I am as a person — at least one that provides me with a goal along with a clear path for my character development.
Stoicism is a practical philosophy, meaning action and application over theory and thought experiments. Two of the main components of Stoicism that have spoken to me are the concepts of:
- Identification of what you control vs. what you do not control, and
- Amor Fati, a willing acceptance of your reality.
How do you control the uncontrollable?
So, in life our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories; externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices. Epictetus, Discourses 2.5.4
As Epictetus put it, two things exist in the world for us; those we control and those we do not control. He then goes on to say that focusing on the latter is not only futile but destructive to us and our well-being.
You are the one who controls what you choose and do (for the most part). Did you put your full effort into the task? Are you actually trying to improve your marriage, or just throwing blame around? Are you polite and kind to those you meet, or do you let their mood and attitude bring you down to their level?
I worked very hard on prepping for my interview. I studied, and perfected stories, and my elevator speech. I participated in multiple mock interviews and practiced for this interview for an hour a day, minimum. I was ready.
Want to know what that got me? An incline.
At Amazon, a group of candidates interview for a role. Those who ‘pass’ the interview are ‘inclined,’ meaning the interviewers believe the candidate is capable of filling the role. The hiring manager then selects from the list of inclined candidates.
I was not selected — and that is OK. I did everything I could to control what I could. I prepped, I put in the time, and I worked hard for what I wanted. After my interviews were completed, it was outside of my control. Not getting selected was a bummer, but I don’t control who they choose, only how I performed — which was very well.
Love your fate
Likely the aspect of Stoicism I most identify with is that of Amor Fati. I even carry a medallion in my pocket to remind me to love my fate.
The love of fate has been a concept for millennia, but my favorite description is by Nietzsche in Ecce Homo:
My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.
Nietzsche is telling us that when we love our fate when we genuinely desire the cards we have been dealt, we become great.
If you think about people in your life who love their life and are truly happy, that is their own doing. It has nothing to do with them being lucky or privileged or whatever else. They have things going on in their life that you know nothing about, they have troubles and bad situations. But, they accept, love their fate, and be great.
I did everything I could. I controlled what I was able to do and I still did not reach my goal — but I did not fail.
No. I succeeded because of my actions and I am better for it.
People have told me they ‘are sorry’ I didn’t get the job. Why? It turned out exactly how fortune wanted it to turn out, and I love how it happened. I can focus more on improving my writing (please comment with advice!), I did not end up in a higher-stress job so I can get more time with my family. I am grateful.
What do you have going on right now? What challenges are you facing that I know nothing about? Are you doing everything that you can, everything that is in your control, to get what you want or fix what is broken? If it is important to you, then control your controllable, but do not stress if what you cannot control wins.
Fortune is fickle; we can only control our thoughts and actions and when fortune inevitably wins, our new controllable is Amor Fati. Fortune cannot destroy you if you ride the wave and learn that you grow with each adversity — you become better.
Thank you for the challenges, Fortune. They improve us every step and make us stronger.
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