I Did Not Cry
Computer Meltdown
Over the years I have experienced computer meltdown many times. I don’t want to pin a number on it because doing that means I have to partially relive them. All I can say is it’s been more than four times. Once, something happened because of Norton. I do vividly remember that one. I cried in front of my boss. It was embarrassing. I’m not going to remember any more of that one.
Sometimes the meltdowns involved the total loss of my files. Other times I had backup schemes in place and was able to recover at least some of the more important files.
Never could any of the instances count as enlightening experiences. It was pure pain. It was tragedy. It hurt and made me cranky.
For days.
So, last night when Norton asked me if I wanted to turn on our VPN, I thought to myself, “I thought it was on.”
There were also several updates that needed to happen, so I said, “Sure, that needs to be done too. Let’s just get it all done before I go to bed.”
That’s when my computer disappeared.
Once the reboot was done Microsoft no longer had my information. It didn’t know who I was. I’m scratching my head and said to myself, “Turn it off and back on again.”
I usually let my computer run all night. Very rarely do I turn it off. It’s been okay for years doing it that way. In fact, it is common that at the end of the day, three or more open, unnamed, and unsaved documents for pieces I’ve intended to be published at Medium are still sitting open on my desktop.
If there is a power outage during the night, Word has learned to save those bits and pieces and I’ve always been able to recover them quickly and finish them up.
I had stopped being afraid.
Until last night. When my computer died.
But, something incredible happened. I didn’t cry. I did not feel panic rise up in my throat.
I was okay.
I was able to determine a couple of things last night. One: Quickbooks still worked. The files were all there and the work I’d done that day was safe. Two: I lost my entire file structure on my computer, but I did see it on One Drive. It was in the clouds. Somewhere. I saw that all my pictures were there. The most precious of all, my family pictures were still there. Grandma with her bear. Mom and me. Dennis.
It was enough. I went to bed and slept all night.
This morning I saw that my entire collection of Microsoft programs was gone. But, I’ve also owned Microsoft 365 for years. I was able to figure out how to make all of them except for Publisher to work. The only thing that would matter for me on Publisher are all my business cards. But, I can recreate them.
That’s what saved me. Knowing I can re-create whatever was important.
Years and years ago after I spent a year proving to myself I was a writer and that I could write a million words in a year, I deleted that file on purpose thinking it would be a real Zen sort of thing to do; that I was not attached to things. Also, it was just journaling, but I was bound and determined to do it. I got the idea from Ray Bradbury who somewhere in what he wrote said he’d imagined that a writer would need to paint 100 paintings to be able to call themselves an artist. He applied the idea to himself and said after having written a million words he would consider himself a writer.
I thought to myself, “That’s a good idea.”
So, I did it too. In that one year I wrote one and a quarter million words in my journal. Then, to prove I wasn’t so attached to those words I destroyed them. On purpose. It was a milestone to myself and in all the computer meltdowns I’ve had since then I always hold that thought close to me.
I can always write more.
So, even though I located all my documents, all my Scrivener and Atticus files with all the books I’ve written over the years, the world is okay. Because if they were gone I could always write more.
I will need to download the programs for Scrivener and Atticus again. They may even still be on my computer in a quarantined place in Norton. I can’t find that now and I’ve got to get our finances done. So, all of that is a project for later on.
I just wanted to let you know what happened.
If I could do anything differently? Maybe I’ll figure out how Norton does work.
Thanks for reading and always make sure you’ve got a backup.