I Celebrate Little Successes Like Big Wins
In response to Yana Bostongirl’s prompt, How Do I Practice Self-Care?
Disclaimer: Some souls are more damaged than they appear
Growing up, I was always taught to be kind, humble, and helpful.
Growing up, I was made to believe that no matter what the world does to you, you must keep going, unaffected.
Growing up, I thought respecting others was the ultimate virtue.
While I always knew what I wanted, I could never become selfish enough to take or make it.
It was my culture.
It was the family that I grew up in.
Partly, it was also me, who always wanted to be the best in everything that I do.
Partly, it was my strive for unattainable perfection, that never once was achieved.
Partly, it was me, who let others' opinions weigh heavier than my own.
Partly, it was me, again, who cared, who cared a lot about others, about everyone else, but herself.
Not realizing how and when I drifted apart from myself, I paid a hefty price for my own discovery.
I unbecame before I could become.
I am not sharing this because I want to whine over my plight. I am sharing this because I felt awful when I read Yana Bostongirl’s Life prompt How Do I Practice Self-Care?
Why?
Because unlike all other prompts I come across and have almost an instant response in my head, for this one, I didn’t have one.
Perplexed, I thought that can’t be it.
I tried to think hard.
How do I practice self-care?
I do a lot of things that I like. But they do not seem like a fitting response.
I just let it be.
Sometimes, we get so engrossed with “life”, that we turn a blind eye to boundaries.
Sometimes, we are so blinded by “love”, that we stop being the source of our own happiness.
Sometimes, we are so gripped by “obedience”, that we swallow our desires and root for common grounds of happiness.
There, we lose it.
All those efforts in pleasing others, making them happy, and perfecting yourself, go down the drain when you can’t list one thing you do for yourself that makes you happy, at the end of the day.
What a stinking realization!
Of course, ‘writing’ was one thing that did come to my mind as a response, but is it really enough?
The past few months have been extremely revealing.
I am learning more about myself than I ever have and this set of learning will last longer, unlike those tame realizations that struck along with teenage and first adolescent breakup!
Adulting is supposed to last.
Writing has helped me rediscover myself but I do not want it to be the only thing that I rely on for my care and healing.
Lately, this is how I have been practicing self-care:
- Celebrating tiny bits of self-improvements —
I have been replacing my beat yourself up behavior with well done, you did not react! Emotional composure comes with practice and every time, I maintain my calm instead of hopping to an unrealistic conclusion, I pat myself and celebrate non-reaction.
A few days back, I wrote a story about an instance where I Refrained Myself From Retaliating.
About a month ago, I was celebrating little differences that I noticed in myself, in my story, Two Months Apart, I am a Different Me. I feel less vulnerable than I used to.
Exactly, a month ago, I wrote a piece about celebrating one month of my marriage as a monthiversary, symbolic of the stride I have made in my relationship, after sailing through a rough patch.
Small things always matter just as much in self-love as they do in other kinds of love.
2. Enjoying materialistic happiness —
In the past, there were times mere gestures from someone meant more to me than receiving material gifts. I would become the happiest if let's say someone cleaned my room for me as a way to thank me or if someone wrote a few lines for me to express how much they value me.
I didn’t care if they gave me a tangible gift or not. I lived by the rules of simplicity and fetishes of luxurious life never lured me.
But lately, I have come to enjoy the material presents just as much as the non-material ones. A couple of weeks back, my husband’s friends gifted us a Nescafe Dolce Gusto coffee maker and I have been enjoying it like anything.
I received way too many presents at my wedding, including but not limited to branded make-up products, nail paints, and a new set of culinary. The older me would have kept these in the closet and never use them unless necessary, but the new me occasionally finds herself painting her nails and wearing makeup before going out.
Dr. Preeti Singh had rightly highlighted the importance of maintaining a balance between material and non-material activities, in her story How Happiness in Life is Through Non-Measurable Activities —
While happiness comes in with non-measurable activities, we must not forget that only nature or love, or laughter will not give you complete peace. Each one of us has to live a real-life and it is necessary to have fulfillment in life by monetary and non-monetary activities. A balance is desired to get optimum benefits of happiness, eudaimonia, or ecstasy in life.
Little by little, this adds up to my self-care.
Spending a day amidst nature and listening to soulful music has always proved a great way of self-care.
For someone who was more damaged than she realized, practicing self-care is equal to healing. It is synonymous with therapy.
I am not proud of the fact that I did not care for myself all this while, but a part of me caring for myself now is to not beat myself up about it.
I am learning. I am growing and I may still sound immature but I celebrate little successes like big wins.
While Coffee Challenge 3 was a “challenging” one, did you notice that Coffee Challenge 4 is already out?
I am sure you must be aware that we have a new column at Coffee Times, Entertainment, hosted by Ashley.
CC 4 gives you an opportunity to contribute to our newest column on music, movies, and entertainment. Do check out, if you haven’t —