Trust | Life
I Can’t Trust Anyone Anymore!
In response to Know Thyself Heal Thyself
Before I start writing about my first personal story, I would like to show my sincere gratitude to the person who inspired me to do so. Thanks, Art Bram for being my helping hand and inspiring me to write about my trust issues.
As all of my fellow authors know I am an introvert. I am usually a person who doesn’t easily open up. However, I have the great support of my fellow authors who always inspired me to do something outside of my limit. This is the first time I am writing about my personal experience.
Since childhood, I am an introvert. It was hard for me to make friends easily in my school. I tried but always failed. In India, especially Gujarati people are always considered Talkative people. On the other side, I am a calm person. I don't like to talk much because I am more of a quiet and reserved person. It was hard for me to get into new groups and start conversations with people.
In my culture, people don’t understand and accept the type of different personalities. Whenever I attended gate-together or social parties, I was considered a shy person which I am not. I am just the way I am. I can’t consider myself different.
I do have social anxiety. I try hard to go out and start a conversation but I just can’t do it easily as others do. All of these things didn’t allow me to love myself. I always thought about why I can't be a person who can talk to anyone fearlessly.
In addition to that, I was a person who can take stress on every single thing. I recently searched about it online and found that I might have GAD generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things — even when it is little or no reason to worry about them. This is one of the reasons why I wasn't able to live my childhood days feely. I always found myself under pressure. GAD develops slowly. It often starts during the teen years or young adulthood.
People with GAD,
- Worry a lot about small things
- know that they worry much more than they should
- Feel restless and can’t be easily relax
- Have trouble controlling their worries or feelings of nervousness
Due to all of these issues, I was a person who keep everything inside myself. I think it is safe to keep my all things to myself so no one can judge me. However, at one time a person feels frustrated because of keeping all inside and becomes more complex as a person. I always wish if I have someone with whom I can talk to. In those days, God was one of the people who helped me to heal. I had no self-worth.
All of these things made me a person who can’t trust easily to anyone. I have become like this. Whenever I meet anyone, No matter how good the other person is it’s hard for me to trust them.
I have never been in a close relationship with others. other than my parents. I made two best friends in my school time. However, as time passes it’s hard to keep the relationship as it was in my childhood.
I don't know but I always blamed myself for not trusting anyone. I thought that it is might fault and because of this, I can’t trust anyone.
On the other side, sometimes some people enter your life who break your trust, and just because of that person, you stop trusting anyone else. That’s why I always mention in my poems, don't ever break someone's trust because they might lose the ability to trust again.
In this new year, I want to make myself free of all the burdens I had in my life. I want to set myself free out there and make myself free from all the blames. To trust others first, I have to trust myself and let myself be who I am.
In the process of healing, writing seems like my best companion. I healed and opened up about myself. I am working on making myself better every day I wake up because now I know that,
- I can be a changed person
- I can be a person who can talk more freely
- I can be a brave
- I can be a loving person who can love myself and others, too
- I can live a stress-free life
- I can express my feelings without hesitation
- I can be limitless
- I can be worthy
I am being honest here about myself. I am thankful to Yana Bostongirl for a wonderful prompt that force me to write about myself and put myself open there. I loved exploring and writing about this prompt.
I would like to give a huge shoutout to my great friend who inspired me to write about this topic. Thanks, Art Bram for being there helping so many of us. More power to you my friend. Wishing you all happiness and success in life.