I Can’t Stop Thinking About Ukraine

I see it but can almost not believe it.

Every day that goes by disturbs me more. I watch CNN and read articles daily in reputable publications, The NY Times, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, among others. I try to read as many opinions as possible in order that I don’t focus solely on one news source.

But they seem to be in agreement with what I take away, and that’s frightening. The apparently inept Russian Army is slowly but surely gaining ground in Ukraine. They care not who they kill or what they destroy. This isn’t something I expected to see in my lifetime.

I grew up in an era when I was taught the Soviet Union was a dangerous foe. I knew there was a person named Khrushchev who might kill us with something known as a nuclear bomb. But I was so little, I couldn’t understand this. Thinking back on it now, I only knew the main reason I was frightened was because of the looks on the faces of the adults in my life when this subject was discussed.

I never saw these facial expressions at any other time. They not only looked serious, but they also looked afraid. My father afraid? Afraid of what? What was there to be afraid of in my warm, secure, little world? I don’t believe the adults who surrounded me meant to instill fear in me. In fact, I imagine they were totally clueless as to how their hushed tones and serious expressions affected me. They would never have intentionally frightened me. On the contrary, they tried to shield and protect me.

We know much more these days about how children pick up on what we think are meaningless expressions or changes in tone. Thinking of children, what will happen to the children of Ukraine? How will this affect them? What memories will haunt them as they grow up? Will they ever return to find their homes obliterated? Or will they learn a new language, and make a different home in another country, possibly never to return to Ukraine?

I have a precious infant granddaughter. She smiles at me now and laughs. She has brought joy and laughter back into my life. I usually spend a night and day helping care for her every week. Yesterday as I was changing her diapers I began to wonder about Ukraianin mothers and grandmothers. I have no worries about running out of diapers, formula, or medicine my granddaughter needs. What if I didn’t have these basic items within reach? What if I didn’t know where I could get them?

Everything I needed to give her the most basic care she needs is literally at my fingertips. When my daughter got off a conference call in her home office, I called out to her. She’s a new mother so I try to gently offer guidance when I feel it’s needed. I told her to call the pediatrician's office because I was concerned my granddaughter had a diaper rash significant enough to warrant a prescription. She rolled her eyes a little but did as I suggested.

The doctor called back in a couple of hours and asked to see the rash. This was accomplished so simply with a cell phone conversation. As soon as the doctor saw it, she said yes, definitely, she needed a prescription creme to clear it up. I gloated slightly, fairly confident I had been right but also delighted I was still useful for at least something. My daughter was very appreciative of my prodding her. The doctor sent the prescription right to the store and my daughter quickly picked it up. I was content knowing my granddaughter would soon be rid of the problematic rash and probably feel much better.

This entire event took a grand total of a few minutes. What if I had a baby or child in Ukraine who needed medicine I couldn’t get? I think one reason this has been so stunning is that these people look like most of us. They seem to live ordinary lives, as most of us do. I imagine before the war started they also could have easily gotten diapers and medicine they needed for their children.

We are accustomed to seeing impoverished African nations where people literally starve to death on a regular basis. So often it appears there is no food or medicine to help these poor people. They are thin. The children don’t smile. They have no food, much less the simplest of toys. I see this in certain middle eastern countries as well. The people of Afghanistan at times appear to be weatherbeaten. You immediately know they have eked out an existence their entire lives. If they smile, there are frequently missing teeth, or have none at all.

It seems middle eastern countries in particular are always at war with each other for some reason. I feel as though I am so accustomed to seeing this it has a minimal impact on me. Because the population of Ukraine seems, and frankly feels more ordinary, more like we are, I believe this is one reason I struggle more with the images I see. Not to mention this is Europe. I thought this type of conflict was settled there at the end of WWII.

I looked at what my granddaughter had yesterday. Changing tables and cribs upstairs and down. Clothes she outgrew before she could wear. Books and toys galore. She lacks for nothing, and I can’t imagine ever will.

My older granddaughters I no longer see have the same, even a million dollar vacation house on a beautiful lake. I don’t want to say this is wrong. Both of my daughters have incredible educations, as do their husbands. They worked hard in school as I implored them to, in order that they might have the lifestyles and access to material items, trips, etc. that I didn’t.

But yesterday’s events at my daughter's brought this war in Ukraine even more to the forefront of my thoughts. Living in this country, despite all of its flaws is a privilege for most of us. I’m not minimizing the problems we have here with wealth distribution, race, or sexism. But generally, the majority of the population here doesn’t wake up wondering if they will survive the day. Generally, I said.

So tonight I went to my source. I tapped into some of my active duty Marine friends for their thoughts on the situation in Ukraine. They had plenty. I won’t share much, but will say they don’t see a quick end in sight. Even if Russia continues to make progress they don’t seem to think the Ukrainians will give up. They have a poor opinion of the Russian Army, and see the Ukrainian Army, and ordinary citizenry as fighting a guerrilla warfare campaign as long as necessary. Meaning as long as there is anyone left standing to fight.

My fear is, if this does indeed turn out to be the case, Putin may bomb a nuclear power plant. Or resort to using chemical weapons. What will become of all the millions of Ukrainian citizens? Heaven knows. So, I’m remembering the Ukrainian people in my prayers, along with contributing to aid organizations. I don’t know what else to do.