I Can’t Help It That I Understood the Engine Diagram: An Observation Regarding Female Independence

The low-beam bulbs went out in my car last week. Well, to be more accurate, the right bulb went out first… while I was procrastinating to replace it the left bulb went out. So, I experimented. I made sure the “auto light” feature wasn’t malfunctioning. I checked the bright lights; those worked. Then I called my sister and I said, “My low beams are out, both of them!” And she had my brother-in-law call me to say, “They probably have an hour limit and need to be replaced.”

I hoped he was right and there wasn’t some malfunction in the electrics causing the bulbs to blow.

Anyway, I popped over to O’Reilly Auto Parts to get the price on the low-beam bulbs (because I’m not going to go straight to a mechanic and pay the labor on something I can do myself). I hit the jackpot: the bulbs are less than $40 for the twin pack. The only thing I needed to know from the CSR at the register was this:

“Did the manufacturer design this car in such a way that I have to DISMANTLE THE ENGINE to replace the bulbs?”

It’s a joke, but you get the point.

The customer service agent said, “Let’s see,” and she pulled up a diagram that showed me where the bulb sockets were and how to get to them. And immediately, I knew exactly what to do. But I also heard something strange in my subconscious mind.

“Goodness, Tj. That was really unattractive.”

Unattractive?

There’s a new minority narrative (I would even say that it’s an extremist minority narrative) that suggests that independent behavior in females is masculine and unattractive. I didn’t even realize it had set up shop in my mind until I was walking out what — to me — was routine wisdom when it comes to auto maintenance. If you possess the skill to diagnose the problem and fix the problem, you do it yourself and save the dollars.

This intrusion upon my winning O’Reilly moment from the dark web of my mind startled me because I am single (again), and I am enjoying singleness, but I do want to be attractive to a great match in the future. So, as any good thinker would do, I immediately hit the cognitive antivirus button and ran a second check on my own programming. Really:

• I don’t want a man who is insulted by my ability to read an engine diagram.
• I don’t want a man who is afraid of my analytical thinking tendencies.
• I don’t want a man who is intimidated by my independence.

I want a partner who likes me — or at least the positive, beneficial parts of me — for exactly who I am. I can’t help it that I understand engine diagrams or that I learned how to run auto diagnostics. I don’t see these skills as anti-feminine, elitist, or even feminist. These just seem like common sense abilities in a modern world where everybody drives.

Check Under the Hood 👀

Has the virus gotten into you? Are you a female who now feels ashamed of your brilliance at masculine tasks? (What a stupid thing to call a task necessary for survival — masculine — as if gender has anything to do with survival.) Are you a male who now avoids women who are confident and competent at masculine tasks? Again, how ridiculous. LOL.

If a sister can use a hammer and a screwdriver, she’s an asset. If she can manage minor maintenance on a vehicle, she’s an asset. If she can clean the gutters — and well — she’s an asset. If she does DIY home projects, hunts, fishes, farms… if she is great at what she does and what she does is deemed masculine, maybe she’s a double benefit (in traditionally masculine and feminine ways).

And Finally, a Request

I would like a man who is proud to be good at some traditionally feminine activities. (Again, this is a ridiculous designator for things that are just great to do.) I could use some help with laundry. Seems like I’m always doing laundry. And I love to cook, but goodness… I love it when someone cooks for me. I especially love a man who can cook gourmet, heavily specialized foods. #Yum

It would be great to have someone who can help me with school drop-off and setting up family pictures for the holidays. Maybe we can share housecleaning tasks; that would be awesome. And home decorating? I’m not really so good at that. I have to consult so many guides to create something that feels right. Can you help me? Can I help you?

Can we just be good human beings and help, applaud, and appreciate each other?