HUMOR

I Can’t Get Enough of That PB & T

The most amazing sandwich ever invented

Oh, what’s that you say? You don’t like peanut butter and tuna sandwiches? Well alright then, Gordan Ramsay. I guess we won’t be seeing it in your hell of a kitchen anytime soon.

But boy, are you missing out on something great.

I’ve been slapping those delicious ingredients together since Guy Fieri’s hair was still its natural color.

“Why the hell would you put tuna and peanut butter inside a sandwich?”

Well, my culinarily ignorant friend, there are several reasons:

1. Economics — 50 cans of tuna, a 23L jar of peanut butter, and 10 loaves of Costco bread bring the per-sandwich cost down to $0.03 per meal.
2. Taste — If you don’t like peanut butter, don’t worry, the smell of tuna fish will keep your nostrils occupied.
3. Taste 2 — If you don’t like tuna fish, don’t worry, the stickiness of the peanut butter bread combo will have you too busy to worry about any harbor smell.
4. Healthiness — This sandwich contains at least 3.5 lbs of protein (+- 3.45 lbs)

The best part is, it’s so utterly dry it turns your mouth into a desert. But in a good way! It also fills up your belly faster than Mike Tyson at an all you can ear buffet.

The recipe is a bit difficult, however:

1. Grab your can of tuna and empty all the water
2. Grab two slices of cooked yeast and toast it
3. Grab a moderate spoonful of peanut butter (preferably half a jar or more) and smother that bread as if it was your last meal on earth
4. Now slap that can of water-less tuna on top of the peanut butter
5. Close the sandwich
6. Enjoy!

*It’s also advised to keep half a gallon of water nearby — it’s about to get real thirsty in here.

There is simply no substitute for that sticky icky peanuty tuny!

Now that I have completely convinced you of the PB & T, what are you waiting for? Go make one yourself!

Other potential combinations to try:

• PB & G — garlic
• PB & B — bananas
• PB & SC — sugar + cinnamin
• PB

Authors note: I actually did live off of PB&T for several years in college as a cheap source of protein for my failed attempts at staying in shape. I also ate all of the above kinds of sandwiches — except for plain PB — that’s just disgusting.

J.J. Pryor

Did you enjoy this wild ride? Sign up for my new humor newsletter: The Savvy Simpleton!