Summary

A woman recounts her experience of being sexually harassed during a routine walk and reflects on the societal norms that allow such behavior to persist.

Abstract

The author shares a personal account of being sexually harassed by an older man while on a walk in a rural area, detailing the internal conflict and societal pressures that influenced her response. She describes the initial disbelief and the subsequent realization of the inappropriateness of the man's comment, along with her regret for not confronting him due to safety concerns. The incident prompts her to ponder the pervasive nature of male privilege and sexual entitlement, which she believes are reinforced by societal norms and political figures like Donald Trump. Despite the progress made by movements like #MeToo, she expresses fatigue over the ongoing struggle for women to exist safely in public spaces and the resistance they face when challenging such behavior. The author turns to writing as a form of resistance, documenting these experiences to hold society accountable and to affirm that such conduct is unacceptable.

Opinions

The author feels that societal norms and male privilege contribute to the prevalence of sexual harassment.
She criticizes the expectation that women should be flattered by unsolicited sexual comments.
The author believes that the #MeToo movement, while impactful, has not significantly diminished the frequency of sexual harassment incidents.
She expresses frustration with the lack of societal change and the continued objectification of women in public spaces.
The author uses her writing as a means to call attention to and challenge the injustices faced by women.
She is critical of the societal conditioning that allows men to assert sexual power over women without repercussions.
The author points out the double standard where women are socially prohibited from making similar comments to men.
She highlights the fear and potential danger women face when considering whether to confront harassers.
The author is disillusioned with the idea of a pendulum swing in power dynamics, advocating instead for a society where everyone's needs are recognized and respected.
She condemns the support for individuals who perpetuate racism and sexual misconduct, indicating a broader societal acceptance of such behaviors.

I Can’t Even Go for a Walk Without Being Sexually Harassed

A snapshot of the everyday aggression women have to endure

Photo by **Andrea Piacquadio** from **Pexels**

“Good morning!” I waved to the man near the side of the road as I walked by. He looked to be in his mid-70s and was wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap — pretty typical rancher gear out here.

“Wow, you’re walking fast,” he commented.

It was nearly noon and I was just finishing my daily walk along a beautiful, deserted country road behind my house. I didn’t think I was particularly fast that day, as tired as I was, but I went along with it and told him I was trying to keep my heart rate up. That’s my daily cardio.

He responded, “I’ll bet I can get your heart rate up in a much more enjoyable way.” And then he laughed.

I wish I could explain what it feels like to have something like that happen. It’s like time stops for a moment. Then a big bomb goes off inside you, along with a thousand little mini-explosions. The hair on the back of your neck stands up. Your breath catches. Your muscles tense. You have no idea where to look, what to think, what to feel.

Suddenly, everything wants your attention. And all you know for sure is that something is wrong.

And yet, your logical brain is arguing you out of your physical experience. That can’t have happened. You must have misheard him. Brain tells you this is polite society. Men don’t talk to strangers that way.

In fact, Brain is so convincing that you laugh. Because you can see he’s laughing, and Brain is telling you there is no way in hell that a stranger in this civilized world would say something so wildly inappropriate, and so you laugh, too. There’s a joke there, right? You just misunderstood it.

But then he raises his eyebrows in a suggestive way and you realize no, Brain is a naïve little idiot. This man — this stranger — just talked about having sex with you. And he thinks it’s funny.

I walked away even faster.

I got home and berated myself. Why didn’t I pause to make sure I knew what he had said before I laughed? My “I’m sure I must have misunderstood you” laughter just empowered a man who turned me into a sexual object. I just gave him the a-okay signal. I said, “Yep. I approve of your behavior. Keep degrading me, please.”

What the fuck is wrong with my idiot brain that still hasn’t figured out, after all these years, that yes, he really just said that? Why does my brain keep insisting I live in a safe, civilized world, despite all evidence to the contrary?

And goddammit, I wish I had challenged him. Why didn’t I say: “Excuse me? What did you just say to me?” Or better yet, “That’s incredibly inappropriate and offensive.”

Oh, wait. I know why I didn’t do that. I was on a deserted country road. There was no one — not even a house — within earshot. He could’ve done anything he wanted to me and I wouldn’t have been able to do a damn thing, unless my groin kick has gotten more precise over the years. Clearly, he didn’t mind asserting his sexual authority, so I had no reason to believe he wouldn’t take that as far as he felt was necessary.

Admittedly, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have taken it to a physical level. But I have no doubt that someone with a Trump sign still hanging on the post at their driveway wouldn’t have any problem yelling at my retreating figure, “You fucking bitch! Next time you come this way, I’m gonna grab your pussy until you beg me to let you go!” Or, you know, something like that.

And you know what? I knew I didn’t need that, either. I didn’t need to put myself in a position to have my mental health shaken that badly for the rest of the day.

So those are my choices: I can endure what he said with a smile or put my physical and/or mental health in danger.

It’s 2021 and those are still the only choices a woman gets.

I can’t stop wondering what makes a man in his mid-70s talk that way to a woman in her 40s. Where does someone get that kind of privilege? That kind of arrogance? Sure, Trump comes to mind — the man who normalized white male sexual predation.

But I’ve been a woman in this world for a long time before that man was elected president. Guys like this were asserting their sexual power over women long before then.

Seriously, where did he get this kind of arrogance? I’m at least thirty years younger than he is. Can you even imagine a woman in her 70s speaking like that to a man in his 40s? I feel that I can say with absolute confidence that that has never happened. The social conditioning against that kind of behavior is overwhelming — just as overwhelming as the conditioning that it’s acceptable behavior in the other direction.

Did he think I’d be flattered? Did he think I’d bend over his fence and pull my pants down so he could “get my heart rate up” right there on the road? Did he think I’d follow him back home and let him help me finish my workout?

Presumably, there’s some level of working humanity in guys like this which would alert them to the fact that no, a 44-year-old stranger taking her walk is not going to suddenly drop trou for anyone who shows the slightest bit of interest.

In fact, most people assume I’m married, anyways, because in this conservative town, women in their forties don’t walk around in the wild uncoupled. There’s a rumor here that Jesus doesn’t approve of never-married middle aged women. So one can presume that Mr. Rancher didn’t think I’d actually be available for a tumble.

In which case, his comment could only have had one purpose: to assert his power, his pleasure, his authority.

As if I didn’t know, already.

I’m exhausted. I’m so tired of living in a man’s world.

When will it be our turn? Not our turn to dominate — I have no interest in that. I don’t want to have more conversations about how “the pendulum always swings,” and “one day, women will have more power again.”

I don’t want the pendulum to swing. I just want to find that somewhat happy middle ground where everyone can safely exist in this world. Where everyone’s needs matter.

People always say how far we have come, and sure, that’s true to some extent. But also…it’s 2021 and half the country is still passionately supporting a racist sexual predator — not in spite of his racism and sexual misconduct, but because of it. Because so many people are still so driven by self-interest that they can’t even see anyone else — nor do they want to.

#MeToo turned the world on its head and gave women the power to stand tall and say, “No more!” And the world bit back even harder. No way would it let the women of this world take away a man’s ability to sexualize a stranger on the street. That is sacrosanct.

I turn to the page because I don’t know what else to do. I can’t fight back without putting myself in danger. Even if I did fight back, I have no illusions that it would actually make a difference.

So I write about it. I document it all. At least I can help keep track of this list of offenses. Because it’s not okay. It is not okay for this to be happening. It is not okay that women have to navigate this kind of offensive, inappropriate behavior in every corner of their lives.

If we can’t have our day in court, if our right to a fair trial has been purloined by the patriarchal system that doesn’t recognize justice for marginalized people, then at least I can call it out in my work, incident by incident. I know the world will do nothing to correct it, but I will not let it turn a blind eye to it any longer.

More on being a woman in a man’s world:

Why Do I Have to Endure Your Hatred Just Because I’m a Woman?

Male aggression and bullying shouldn’t be an accepted occupational hazard for female writers.

medium.com

#NotAllMen Is an Apology We Shouldn’t Have to Make

Why are women still being asked to soften our tone when we speak our truth?

aninjusticemag.com