I Can’t Believe How Much I Miss My Dog Tonight

“A Dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” Josh Billings

She’s only gone for an overnight. I’m having a sleep study done to rule out apnea. When I met with the doctor, and he went over how the at-home tests work, my first question was if my dog could mess up the results. He said our pets could alter the results as the machine might pick up their breathing. Then he remarked, “Just put your dog in another room when you go to bed.”

Like she’d ever let me get away with that.

The purpose of a sleep study is to... well…sleep. She'd whine if she were in another room, which would progress to barking to get my attention.

I adopted her from a rescue shelter when she was six months old. She has horrible separation anxiety. She wouldn’t let me crate her. When I tried, she bent the crate so deeply I couldn’t latch the door. I was afraid that she would hurt herself, so instead, I basically baby-proofed my home. She is now three years old and is getting somewhat better at staying home alone for short periods. But bedtime? She sleeps right next to me.

Sometimes, she is more work than when I raised my children. She is so high-energy I have to give her two hours of walks every day. During her puppy phase, she destroyed books, shoes, bedspreads, and door frames.

…and I have to add that I absolutely love her from the bottom of my soul.

This afternoon, I dropped her off at the kennel. It isn’t a traditional kennel. It’s an upscale place with a fenced outdoor doggie playground equipped with slides, ramps, and tunnels. If it is raining heavily, there is also an indoor play area. Over the summer, it looks like a water park. She has a blast, so I know she will be fine overnight without me.

I’m probably sadder than she is. I keep walking around my home and looking at her toys. I feel pathetic.

I once wrote a story that I was surprised by how happy I was to be an empty nester. I loved being a mother. But after raising five children, I was damn tired. They are all doing well, and it was bittersweet to see them move out individually. This is why I’m trying to figure out why I long for my dog tonight. I wasn’t this sad when each of my kids left.

Maybe it’s because, as parents, our job is to nurture and protect our children and prepare them for leaving us. But our fur babies will always be dependent on us. They grow up but don’t move away.

My dog follows me around every room. She presses into my thighs when I’m washing dishes in the sink, and when I sit on the couch, she brings me a toy to throw.

Boy, oh boy, is she devoted. When people visit, she is affectionate with everyone. But if I leave the room to get something, she’s right behind me.

I’m really missing her presence tonight. There’s a strange heaviness in my fingers as they type. The house feels too quiet. I almost don’t want to sleep because I know she won’t be lying next to me. It makes me want to drive back to the kennel and get her.

I never knew she had such a hold on my heart. I can’t wait to pick her up tomorrow.

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