I Can’t Believe He Hugged Her

An explanation of why Brandt Jean's forgiveness of Amber Guyger is his choice and not ours.

I watched the Amber Guyger trial with trepidation. She stood in the courtroom charged with the murder of an unarmed Black man in his apartment. He was eating ice cream and watching t.v on the sofa he probably lounged on countless times. Never once I bet it entered his mind, he would die in his apartment at the hands of a Dallas police officer.

If he were shot at a routine traffic stop, the world would gasp and say not again. However, no one expected a Black man to die sitting in his own home. I was like, wow, this can’t be true, but honestly, is it astonishing considering the ugly racial climate of our country.

I didn’t expect the judge to hug the defendant after she was sentenced and give her a Bible. Furthermore, I didn’t expect Botham Jean’s brother to offer a forgiving embrace.

It was unprecedented in this writer’s opinion. I’ve never seen a white judge embrace a black person going to jail for decades after a drug conviction.

She was the first black judge I ever witness offer that kind of grace. It’s a safe assumption this type of behavior by a judge is strange and possibly frowned on by the court.

However, I am not assessing why the judge hugged Amber but the power of forgiveness. I am astounded at how the younger Jean is being treated because of his gesture. It’s his right, and we need to leave the young man alone.

Why it’s not our place to judge?

Do not judge or you too be judged

Matthew 7:1

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

John 7:24

Could I have done what Brandt Jean did in the courtroom? I don’t know. I want to think I can offer a drink from the well of forgiveness, but we genuinely don’t know unless placed in a similar situation.

I hope never to experience his family’s pain, but being black alone is a death sentence in the wrong situation. However, I cannot stand in judgment of his actions. It’s his right to offer forgiveness. His reasons are his own.

I admit when I saw his gesture, I recoiled in disgust. How dare you hug a former White cop. How dare you offer the balm of forgiveness to this person whose tweets exposed her racism. You, sir, are a traitor to your people.

It’s time out for forgiveness. I am tired of turning the other cheek only to get slapped by the bitter hand of racism.

However, once done seething about his gesture, I thought about the above verse. Who the hell am I to judge this young man. Brandt’s brother is dead, not mine. He will be reminded of the loss every holiday season and birthday. His pain belongs to him, and he must deal with it his way.

I am sure I’ve made decisions that surprised many people. They judged me and rendered a decision on me quickly. We are all judged by others, and I bet my last red cent you didn’t like it.

We all need to remember the pain of judgment the next time we judge another human being.

The possibilities of forgiveness.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King

The above quote was stated by one of the most exceptional human beings ever to live. King was a man who preached forgiveness. He spoke eloquently on the topic of forgiveness. Beaten and bloodied, he continued to forgive the very White’s who hated him and his mission to free his Black people from the bonds of Jim Crow.

Brandt Jean was only doing what his Christian faith demanded, which is forgiving his enemy. The possibilities of forgiveness are endless, and we should embrace them.

She was given a gift when he offered forgiveness. It doesn’t absolve her the horrible crime she committed, but maybe it will open her eyes to how her racism contributed to Botham Jean’s death.

It is isn’t worth it to hold on to grudges and destroy your health seething with hate. Hate is a cancer of the mind and spirit, and it can consume you to the point of revenge. His forgiveness does not erase the horrible history of police and Blacks in this country.

Furthermore, maybe she can forgive herself for taking a bright young man’s future away. Amber destroyed a family, and hopefully, as she sits in a jail cell, she will understand the courage it took for Brandt Jean to offer that hug.

Lastly, forgiveness is not for the perpetrator but the injured party. Forgiveness helps the person suffering a loss to move on and release some of their hate into the universe.

It is isn’t worth it to hold on to grudges and destroy your health seething with hate. Hate is a cancer of the mind and spirit, and it can consume you to the point of revenge. His forgiveness does not erase the horrible history of police and Blacks in this country.

Furthermore, No hug or forgiveness can eradicate the fact that a racist, sexist, and homphobe lives on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington D.C.

Teachable Moment About Forgiveness.

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. Martin Luther King

I provided the above quote to my students recently. Every day I write a quote on the board and compose several accompanying questions. It was inspired by the Amber Guyger trial and the courtroom hug.

I asked the following two questions:

• Have you ever forgiven an enemy?
• Is it good to have enemies?

Most of my students stated that forgiveness wasn’t an option for them. I understand because I can’t guarantee I would do the same. However, they stated that having enemies was not a good practice.

Considering that most of my kids said forgiveness was not an option I was slightly surprised they stated having enemies wasn’t a good idea.

I asked why and once again I was intrigued by their answer.

Their main reason for stating no was that hate weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward. It seemed futile to waste time hating someone when you can be moving forward and achieving your life goals.

Another young man stated he had spoken to an enemy, and they decided to squash their disagreement. However, they couldn’t be friends, but at least they could release the hatred and move on in a positive direction.

My students are teenagers, and if they can see the value of removing hate from their being, then who are we to decide how Brandt Jean should begin his healing process.

The wisdom of children never ceases to amaze this educator and writer. We can learn a great deal from children if only willing to listen.

A Few Final thoughts.

My opinion on the hug of the century may prove unpopular with some readers. However, as writers, we cannot allow the possibility of differing views to deter us from addressing issues in our way.

Writing comes with risk, and its something most writers understand.

The implications of the young Mr. Jean’s actions are not lost on me. I’ve written numerous articles about racism in our country. We do forgive the white perpetrators of violence against us often. At this point, it almost seems expected of African Americans.

We are not offered the same forgiveness in society. Why? Because or membership in the human race has been in question in this country since the first slave pressed his barefoot into the mud of the Virginia shore. The Three-Fifths Compromise and the Dred Scott decision solidified we were not people but property.

Yes, I understand the history of our people in this country and the damage done to us over the last several hundred years. However, I cannot allow myself to fall into the mode of hate for what the young man did in a Dallas courtroom.

As I stated previously, His actions are his and his alone, and we should support him while at the same time understanding that his gesture changes nothing for me or any other African American in the United States.

Racism, classicism, sexism, and homophobia cover the nation like a filthy blanket, and until we can learn to love each other, it will remain to smother out the light of change. Thanks for reading. Peace.

Estacious (Charles White) is a 23-year educator. He began writing over 25 years ago. His work experience encompasses managing schools and teaching a variety of subjects. His passions are poetry, short fiction, playwrighting, and non-fiction. He won one of six prizes in the Rockford play festival for his play “Incarcerated Christmas”. He is married with three children and a native of New Orleans.

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